More Thanksgiving Pictures

Before the big meal, we took advantage of my grandma's beautiful backyard and the perfect light by snapping some pictures outside.

(They're laughing at the previous picture.) That's Kyle's new iPhone, btw. "My iPhone is ringing. Do you know where my iPhone is? Someone's calling my iPhone."

Jon was being silly so we didn't get any really good ones of the two of us. Not on my camera at least. My mom has some others that possibly worked better. This one is the best out of the ten or so we took with the old Powershot A520, though. Meh.




A couple of days later: The outfits below were completely unplanned. Somehow were were all wearing shades of purple?? Except Corinne, but she doesn't really count.



The end.

Turkey Day Recap

We’re back from Salt Lake! It went by way too fast, of course. We spent the days shopping, eating good food, and playing Uno and Trivial Pursuit. Let’s just jump right in.


The whole thing starts with a hurt foot. Two days before we left, Penny sprained her toe. Okay, so I sprained Penny’s toe, but it was an accident. Her toenail got stuck to the blanket I was using, and when I moved positions, it wrecked it. Poor thing. Before we knew what exactly was wrong with her, I did a little internet research to see what we should do for her and came across this exchange on Yahoo Answers.

QUESTION:
I think my dog has a sprained leg, what should I do?
We took her out to the park today and she was running around like crazy, when we left I noticed her right leg was shaking, and now she's limping when she walks. She won't bend her ankle (is that what they are on dogs?) and so I think it might be sprained. Should I take her to the vet now or wait until tomorrow to see if it gets better? Should I...I dunno, put an ice pack on it or something? I need some advice here.

ANSWER: dang woman.. well my dog got runned over last year and we didnt take him to the vet cos hes vicious.. so we just kept him here and within a week he was better.(his leg was f$#@ed up too) so its up to you if you want to take her.. if its just a sprained ankle then i dont think its such a big deal.. but you are extremely concerned about her then i say you take her to the vet


This person single-handedly convinced me to take Penny to the vet. So when we dropped her off at our bishop’s house Tuesday evening, we left also left them some doggie pain-killer/anti-inflammatory and strict instructions to keep her calm and off her foot as much as possible. Poor little thing. Anyway, no time to worry about her too much, because then it was OFF TO PHOENIX to spend the night before our 6:30 flight the next morning. We only got to visit with my cousins and aunt and uncle for about two hours since we had to wake up so early, but it was still fun to catch up.


On Wednesday, just a few hours after we landed, my mom, Annie, Jon and I met up with Darcy and Kelsey (Jon’s brother and sister), Lianna and Jake (their spouses), and Pearl and Norah (their baby girls). We’ve never met Pearl before so it was so much fun seeing her for the first time. And seeing everyone else again, of course. We had them meet us at Robintino’s – kind of a weird old place, but good food. My grandparents have been eating there at least four times a week ever since before they were born. We had a fun lunch catching up and taking pictures of babies.

^ (Pearl) ^

^ (Norah) ^

They grow up so fast. I always feel ninety when I say that. But it's true. One minute they're born, and the next thing you know, they're teething on lemons.

Apparently she loves them. This went on for two full minutes. Kels, I'm sorry but the red-eye removal didn't work on this picture. I tried. Really hard.

Thursday was THANKSGIVING (duh), the second best holiday of the year. I put in a good word for some crab drink and was not disappointed.

The chunks you see are crab (imitation crab, maybe?) and grapefruit. The liquid is some mixture involving Clamato juice. Don’t think about it, just eat it. Cold. DELICIOUS.

Here’s the turkey coming out of the oven…





And being carved. See the guy on the left? That’s my cousin, Brandon. Does he not look just like this guy on a billboard plastered all over Paris?


That's my mom's hand, whisking the gravy. It was delicious, for the record, as were the mashed potatoes. At least Kyle thought so.





He actually made them, and the apple pies, too. But he couldn't have done it without my excellent apple-slicing skills.





Jon was hunting while all this silly food preparation stuff was going on. He and the General squeezed a couple of trips out to the marsh to properly murder some ducks (pitiful quacking noise) :-(


No trip to SLC would be complete without a visit to Epic, our favorite restaurant. As a good rule of thumb, I’m a happier person when I’ve got lots of hummus and mascarpone in my stomach. It was amazing, as usual, but unfortunately Klutt was not our waiter this time around. KLUTT!! Someone named their kid KLUTT!!!!!

I can only hope that I'll look half as good when I'm a great-grandmother.

Holy longest post ever. And I’ve still got more. We took some really good pictures of the girls and the couples (well, everyone but me and Jon, more on than in a later post), and some REALLY hot pictures of me and Corinne. Corinne and me. Whatever.

Kyle pointed out that Corinne looks like a Fraggle in this picture.

Is that all? No. Our flight was scheduled to leave at ten on Sunday night, which would get us home around 2:30am (keep in mind that once we flew into Phoenix, we still had to drive two and a half hours to Tucson). Well when we got to the airport at 8:30, we discovered that our flight had been delayed until ONE O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING. This is why you call before you leave, kids. Ridiculous. This was me after we found out and were trying to figure out what to do.





So we called my mom and she turned around and got us. Thank goodness we had that option, otherwise we would have been stuck in the airport for FIVE HOURS before our plane took off. Ew. Instead, we went back to my grandma’s house for a couple of hours and slept. I managed to sleep in the terminal, too, once we got through security (it was a hassle, but not because there was a long line. It was the exact opposite. There was NO line, and everything was roped off. Nowhere to even form a line if we wanted to. We stood there, lost and confused for a few minutes, until we literally had to rouse a guard in order to get screened). I also got a few minute’s sleep on the plane once we finally left (not at one, as it turns out, but at one-thirty. Of course.) And I slept all the way home in the car. We pulled into our parking spot at 5:20, went inside and slept for forty minutes until the alarm went off at six, then jumped (jamp?) into the shower to get ready for work. Since I managed to get some sleep, I’m not too bad off. I can’t speak for Jon, though. Bless his heart for getting us home safe and sound.


This entire saga ends with a hurt foot. In the morning when I stumbled into the living room, I smashed my foot into the plastic paneling on Jon’s hockey bag. To say I “stubbed my toe” would be like saying Annie’s winking face is “sort of funny”.





Severe understatement. I RUINED my entire foot on it. Two of my toes now are completely swollen. I’m limping around like an idiot. If this had happened twelve years ago, I would have demanded that my mother wrap my entire leg in an ace bandage.


Anyway, that’s our trip, in a nutshell. If you read this whole thing instead of just skipping through to pictures, you have my respect.


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Explanation: Annie and I are the only two people on earth that can’t wink both eyes. I can at least wink one, and with years of practice Annie believed she had mastered her right eye. Not so.


Further reading: When Jon came in to see what all the commotion was after I destroyed my toes, he stubbed HIS foot on his hockey bag, too. But not as badly. At least, he hasn’t complained about it as much as I have.


PS- Do NOT go see Australia. SAVE YOURSELVES. I only hope I’m not too late.......

PSS- I can't for the life of me figure out how to salvage the second half of this post. It's acting like a link, but it's not a link.... thoughts?

Thankful Thursday

SOME THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR:



My big family. Parents, siblings, parents-in-law, siblings-in-law, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, nieces, nephews, and so on and so forth. We're a fun crowd. Let’s throw “friends” into this mix, too. Especially friends with blogs. They get me through the day.





My little family. There's only two of us and we get along swimmingly, except for when Jon goes globe-trotting, meeting new and interesting people and eating exotic foods only to come home and want to eat at Texas Roadhouse with me. Every. Single. Time. It's a sore subject. I've never eaten real sushi. ...It's a sore subject. But no, really, I couldn't have married a better man. He is so patient with me, so forgiving, and so damn sexy. He's got this pair of slim grey jeans that will render you unconscious, especially when paired with a certain red polo… for which I am very grateful.


My religion. (Even though learning more about it sometimes requires suffocating to death in a noxious death-trap.)


My dog. She's a real weirdo, but she's MY weirdo, and she keeps me company while Jon is away. (Globe-trotting. And eating sushi.)


Our apartment. Minus one creepy neighbor, it's a great place to live. It's two hundred square feet bigger than our old apartment in Rexburg, which means that for the first couple of weeks after we moved in I entertained myself by starting in one corner of the living room, taking large strides across to the hallway, turning right and continuing on to the bedroom, and ending up on the far side near the nightstand. JUST BECAUSE I COULD. Extra space makes me happy. We also live in a really nice part of town, with beautiful views and lots of open areas with pretty vegetation. Surprising? That's because you haven't come to visit us yet to see for yourself. So get on that. Thanks.


Tucson in general. This city has been really good to us. We came on a whim, with nothing lined up, and I was able to find a great job within two months of living here. A couple of months later, Jon received a call from his current employer and was hired on the spot for an amazing position that has given us lots of incredible opportunities. Oh, Tucson. Some of your areas are kind of filthy, gang-y, and homicide-y, but I can't stay mad at you.





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HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!

Sunday notes

To the lady sitting three pews ahead of me: I don't like you repeatedly turning around and staring at me any less than you like me looking directly at you when you do it. (This was too long for my Twitter feed, and I didn't have it in me to try to cut it down.)

While I'm at it...our Relief Society room was unbearably hot and overcrowded, and also graced by the presence of a smelly turd hidden in some child's diaper, accompanied by a mother who obviously didn't feel that it was her job to remove it.

On a more positive note, we got to sing my favorite Thanksgiving hymn today, TWICE...

AAAAAAND,







She moved! She's gone!! Hooray!!!

Subway: Now hiring comedians of all shapes and sizes

Me: Lettuce, tomato, cucumbers...do you guys have spinach?
Him: No. I don't believe in spinach. My mom told me as a boy, "Kyle, you eat your spinach and you'll grow up nice and strong, like Popeye", and I'm all like, hahahaha, "Mommm! Look at me! [points to scrawny self] I could NEVER be big and strong!" So I don't believe in spinach. Not one bit. [folds my sandwich up, prepares to wrap it]
Me: Um...actually, I wasn't done with toppings yet.
Him: ...Well you stopped talking.
Me: ..........You were telling your story. I was being polite.

A panda video? Really? That's it? ...Srsly?

So I guess it's time to update this sucker. Nope, nothing new to discuss. But my friend Valry did turn me on to this video of a baby panda sneezing, THANK GOODNESS. I will never stop laughing. Amazing.



PS- I'm really sorry about the suggested video at the end. You'll know it when you see it.

Creeeepy...

I think the topic of my creepy neighbor warrants further discussion. I always knew he was an oddball (see here), but the past few weeks he has really begun to make me uneasy. It started with him leaning out from behind his truck to stare penetratingly into our home one day when I opened the blinds, and it ended with him coming and standing within ten feet of me for no good reason one day without saying anything for three or four minutes while I was waiting for Penny to hurry up and take a dump. As though I were a T-Rex, and as long as he kept perfectly still, I wouldn’t even know he was there. That was the last straw, but there were lots of things in between, too, the most notable of which was him following me in his golf cart from one end of the apartment complex to the other as I walked to get the mail. Once I got to my mailbox, he came careening around the corner and parked haphazardly near the curb to then quiz me on all the things the postman had brought me that day. Another time, while I was waiting in the Jeep for Jon (who had run into the apartment to grab my purse before we left to go to the dog park), creepy neighbor buddy came down the stairs to the parking lot, then stood at the bed of his truck, perfectly parallel to me, and stared me down until Jon emerged from our house. Each time I glanced over at him, he was looking right at my face, and he didn’t even bother to look away. And there were lots of little things, too, like how every single time when I walked Penny to her potty spot, THAT was the moment he decided to come outside to have a smoke. Or like how the one day I’ve ever used our exercise facility, THAT was the day he had to be walking back and forth through it. Mind you, this man is my next door neighbor. We share an entryway and a living room wall. He’s also an employee of the complex, doing maintenance and grounds keeping and whatnot. To be fair though, honestly, I’ve never felt scared of him or directly threatened or anything. As I put it in a recent letter to a friend:


“It’s not like I’m scared of him, or I think he’s going to use his master key to come watch me sleep while Jon is out of town, but I definitely think he’s an oddball that needs someone to explain to him ‘You don’t stare into tenant’s windows for prolonged amounts of time’. You know? One of those guys whose mother never taught him how to be normal? How to act around people? The difference between being friendly and being an effing psychopath? These are all valuable life lessons that he must have somehow missed out on.”


Anyway, so I typed myself up a nice little letter and walked it on down to management. And that’s the end of that. Hopefully.


Other than that, not much going on. Being bored to death at work, Jon off traveling around, getting excited for the holidays. Trying to come up with ideas for Christmas gifts. Planning out all the delicious places I’m going to eat while in Salt Lake City for Thanksgiving. Preparing for my upcoming weekend in Las Vegas. This is the stuff I think about when there is absolutely nothing else to do. Sorry I even mentioned it. Things will pick up soon and I’ll have lots to blog about, but for now…this is what you get.

Step 1: Caulk the tub. Step 2: Clean the tub

I probably shouldn’t even mention this. But I’m going to anyway. I caulked our bathtub the other day (don’t be too impressed, I did a really terrible job) and THIS is what the floor of the tub looked like when I was finished:

.........and I just lost half my readers. Including my mom.

Careful. I'm Freakishly Strong.

I keep forgetting to mention that I tore a phone book in half a couple of days ago at work. Seriously. A coworker taught me the proper technique, and I got it on the first try. It was HILARIOUS. Just trust me on that.

The Reveal

TA DAH! Sarah Palin. Okay, so maybe not the most original idea (the glasses were almost sold out), but I was excited about it anyway. I’ve been planning on it ever since McCain announced her as his running mate. It would have been a little more convincing if my most recent hair color hadn’t all washed out after only two weeks (jerks, I’m never going back to that salon), but I think I still managed to pull it off by doing and wearing the following things:

1.) Profuse Hair Teasing - something I learned how to do through careful observation while living in Idaho. Palin lived in Idaho too for a while, which is where I suspect she learned how to tease her hair. Idaho is also where she must have picked up on some other silly habits, such as saying words like “oil fillds” and giving her children really stupid names. Anyway, after teasing my hair, I curled the ends, smoothed the surface over the matted destruction, and put it all into a fancy twist up-do. Some gel into my bangs to give them that deliberately piecey look, and I was on my way.



2.) Four Words: Sarah Palin Skirt Suit. Three Words: Sarah Palin Glasses. (PS- according to a certain person that I don’t get along with too well, Sarah Palin ONLY wears red skirt suits. Sarah Palin has NEVER worn a different color of suit. SHE ONLY WEARS RED. Since I’m not wearing red, according to this person, I can’t portray Sarah Palin. Who ONLY wears red. Who never has and never will wear any color of skirt suit other than RED.)

3.) Extreme Makeup. Severe blush, ugly brownish-purple lipstick, three coats of mascara – you get the idea.




4.) Pantyhose. Can you imagine her without it? I can’t. I’ve never actually bought any before, unless you count that one unfortunate incident 12 years ago when I filled out a “redeem your free pantyhose!” mailer and sent it off without reading the fine print. My mom was obligated to buy pantyhose from them for at least another decade. Anyway, I was a little lost when I was studying my options in Walgreens, until I noticed a color choice called “Suntan”. That was it. The woman lives in Alaska for crying out loud, I’m almost positive she wears suntan colored pantyhose.

 and 5.) FLAG LAPEL PIN. I tore my house apart looking for the flag pin I’ve had since I was fourteen. AND I FOUND IT.





Jon made my day by showing up at my work party (yes, I wore this to work) dressed as McCain.

The more I think about it, the more I wish I'd added "and I approve this message" at the bottom of this nametag. I'm kicking myself. Just pretend like it's there.

Jon wandered around the party without breaking character. Began and ended sentences with “my friends”. Never raised his hands above his shoulders (even when certain games required it). Stuff like that. He's my hero. I have no clue how he dug up that Alaska baseball cap.

Bless his heart.

Halloween: The Golden Years

Halloween, the third best holiday of the year, is in two short days. In preparation, let's take a look back at some golden Sweet family moments.




Here we are, a joyful bunch, ready to begin a night of trick-or-treating in good old Rexburg, Idaho. As you can clearly see, I’m dressed as a Crayon, unitard-clad Annie is a pink panther, Jake is some sort of monster, and Corinne resembles the love-child of a gypsy and a candy corn (?). The first person to spot the coffee table that now resides in my living room wins.




This was mid Princess Phase. The Princess Phase went on for more years than I care to discuss. I will say that I have definitely seen happier pictures of myself. I’ve also seen more well-centered pictures, where the heads of ALL the children are visible. Sorry, Jake. Annie, dressed yet again as a feline, insisted on doing her own make-up for her cheetah costume. I’m not exactly sure what Corinne is going for in this picture, but it’s always fun to pair stirrup pants with a jean jacket, stick your hair in a couple of side ponytails and smear lipstick on your face in random splotches.


Now, I can’t blame this next picture on anyone but myself. My mom specifically asked us every single year what we wanted to be for Halloween, then she made every effort to make sure we could be what we had picked, even if it meant sewing costumes until her fingers bled. The point is, we always got to CHOOSE; because my mother was crafty, we never had to recycle a costume unless we wanted to. Well one unfortunate year, I had my heart set on being a pirate... and I’m not talking about a cute girl-pirate, either. Heck no. I wanted to be a plundering man-pirate, complete with a scratchy beard, eye patch, and pantaloons tucked into my boots. My dear mom made my dream a reality.

Oh my.

Anyway, the real reason for this trip down memory lane is to lead up to my costume for THIS year. I’ve known for months what I’m going to be and I could NOT be more excited about it. In case anyone wants to guess at what it might be, here are a couple of hints:


1) Never mind, you don’t get any hints. Anything I say will give it away. But you can guess anyway, if you want. Or not. Stay tuned for pictures!!

Poor Jon

Sunday evening, after an uneventful weekend full of laundry, a friend from my work called and asked if we would be able to pick up his dog from a boarding facility. He’d spent the weekend in Flagstaff and had hit a delay on his way home, so he couldn’t make it back in time to pick Mollie up before they closed at 6:00. We were happy to help, and when we arrived back at our apartment parking lot, Jon jumped out of the Jeep and headed to the back to let the dog out. I had Penny on my lap in the front seat, and it took me a few moments to get all my stuff situated, so by the time I was out of the car and walked around to where Jon was, he already had Mollie by the leash..... But he was just standing there with a blank expression on his face, kind of swaying from side to side.


Me: Hello?
Jon: [no response, eyes glazed over]
Me: Jon…what are you doing?
Jon: [no response, sways back and forth some more]
Me: JONATHAN, what. are. you. DOING?
Jon: [silence, begins shaking his head slightly]
Me: JONATHAN GLEN, WHAT THE H*** HAPPENED TO YOU???
Jon: [Turns and sits on the bumper of the Jeep]


Anyway, so what happened was that the hatchback of the Jeep fell on his head and almost knocked him out. He says he couldn’t see or hear anything for about a minute. I didn’t laugh at the time, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think it’s HILARIOUS.

Why I'm not a Gymnast

I have this on my hard drive at work, and I watch it at least once a week. I can only hope that it brings you half as much joy as it brings me.

Texting, Continued

It's that time again - my phone's inbox is full and I've got to delete text messages to make room! We all know what that means...! Or if we don't, we will soon be caught up to speed after clicking on the link included in this paragraph! Here we go! I like exclamation points!

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"[My husband] just called me a fart Nazi because I yelled at him for farting."



"It's a broccoli!"

"After the flinker incident, Sweetie has made it pretty clear I should find a hotel – with good plumbing – while in the vicinity." [she's referring to this terrifying event]

"So my mom got Nastia Liuken’s autograph at the Reno airport! Sounds to me like she’s fallen on rough times, pawned her gold medal and gambling in Reno. Only explanation."

"Yes but how would you like to be Fonda Johnson? As in ‘fond of’." [There really is a woman in this person’s ward named “Fonda Johnson”. Unreal.]

"There is a mystery marching band outside of my apartment. What is it doing there? What is its purpose?"

[and introducing what I'm sure you will agree is the best text I've received so far this year...]

"My mom inexplicably slammed her boob in an ice chest today and almost ripped her nipple off! It was bleeding! She was laughing and crying at the same time. For some reason I really wanted to tell you."

To Whom it May Concern

Here's the result. I figured October is as good of a month as any to finally go dark for real. To all of you jerks that are going to try to blow this up to get a look at the aforementioned throbbing monstrosity on my forehead - too bad - I'm sneakier than you think.

I'm not the hugest fan of this picture, but Jon was getting sick of it all so I cut my losses and went with it. So there you go.