Reunited!!

Remember my long lost beach buddy Lianna???????????? We haven't seen her OR Darcy (Jon's brother) OR Pearl since Jon and I left Statia over two years ago. Unacceptable. They have a new baby now and recently moved to Vegas, so we headed up there the first chance we got.

To refresh your memory, this is what Pearl looked like last I saw her:

 And this is what she looks now:

Just kidding, that is a random child at the petting zoo. She got bit by one of the obnoxiously aggressive deer right when we walked in, making Pearl nervous to go anywhere near them. Then the hired hands started raking every pen simultaneously, emitting giant plumes of noxious hanta-virused fecal matter all around us. We scrammed out and I asked for my money back. They are still thinking about it (?)

Turtle pond.

Wild burro on our way back from Red Rock.

Not-so-wild burro, and a stupid tourist. I just looked up info on the donkeys and learned that some people have been dumb enough to put children on their backs.

Baby Mabel LOOK AT HER ROLLS

Jon, Pearl, Darcy at Town Square where we met some old friends for a playdate/lunch at Whole Foods.

I braided Pearl's hair. Her luscious, luscious hair.

Gah!

Double gah!

Our trip on Vine (it's the best app ever, btw. GET IT then follow me. It's like Instagram except with short movies that loop infinitely). I think they're muted by default, so you'll have to click each one to unmute. EDITED TO ADD - Apparently you'll need to click to my actual blog to view them if you're in some sort of reader. I didn't do it on purpose to bolster page views, I promise.



 Nothing better than a chubby, laughing baby






Pearl kills me in this one. "Look, guys."







This swarm of bees nearly ruined our barbecue.







Jer, undeterred, engineered a makeshift bee suit and fired up the grill. Jon put a stray bit of mesh over his face (?) and likely would have died had the bees attacked. (Pearl: *cutest laugh ever* "He's wearing bags on his feet!")







She didn't know I was videoing this.







Self-explanatory.







Pearl was pretty nervous around Penny for the first day. The second day she warmed up a little, though whenever Penny did something slightly unpredictable she'd flap her arms and start to panic. By the third day they were getting along swimmingly, but please notice Pearl's micro-expression of terror when Penny jumps on the couch.







Could Pearl be any more adorable?







The answer is no. No, she could not.

Miss you guys already!!!!!!

Why you should never go outside

We got rattled at by a rattlesnake! We were just blithely traipsing along a hiking path, me a few steps ahead of Jon, and then there he was, shaking his tail. Ever since we first moved to Arizona I always sorta wondered if I’d instantly recognize the sound if I heard it, and I can now say that the answer is a resounding yes. Our reaction was simultaneous and instantaneous – heard it, located it, grabbed each other and scuttled back four yards all in about a half-second. We were within just a few feet of him when he sounded the alarm.

We weren’t quite sure what to do. He was RIGHT there on the edge of the path, and there were lots of other hikers on the trail that day. We stayed a while and warned a few people, and Jon even tried to get it to scram by tossing rocks in its general direction, but he just coiled up under a bush and rattled at us more. Eventually we decided he’d be more likely to bite the next person the more we pissed him off, so we gave him a wide berth and went on our merry way.

I took to Twitter that night to find out what sort of rattler (pronounce it with two syllables instead of three, it’s way more fun) he was. Snake experts on Twitter are very helpful – turns out he’s a “tiger rattlesnake.”

See his tongue? I say "he" because snakes are boys.



According to Wikipedia this species has the most toxic venom of any snake in the Americas, but their venom yield is comparatively low due to their dinky heads, so I probably wouldn’t have died if I’d been bit. Nevertheless, I’d like to relay a personal message to the snake. Thank you, snake, for rattling at me instead of just biting me. I know that, as a venomous serpent, you have many options when it comes to dealing with hikers, and I appreciate you warning me before attempting to murder me.

kthxbai

limp

DYING

There's this website called Ravelry that you can use to search for crochet patterns, share your projects, research yarns, etc. My favorite feature is the "projects" page where everyone who attempted a pattern posts pictures and outlines any changes they made, giving tips and guidance for helping others' projects to turn out well. Anyway, all of that to say I found THIS today:

A very scientific experiment

Photos by Cara Lott

Hypothesis: If I jump into this minuscule inner tube from the diving board, it will stop at my knees, locking my legs together and making it difficult to swim to shore.

First attempt was a failure. I landed on the edge of the tube.

Second attempt: Nailed it.

Hypothesis does not become theory.

Use the force

Vadering is the new planking (which was lame). Tell your friends.

The Rundown

It's been over three weeks since this year's names post went up and traffic has come to a screeching halt, so it's time to go over some figures. This post didn't take off quite like last year's did, but it still did pretty good.

Hits to date: 10,086

[This is the part where I would post Facebook stats (shares and number of comments), but the site I used to track that stuff is gone now. Boooooo]

[This is the part where I would post the number of subscribers I gained, but Google Reader is on its way out and doesn't update my numbers anymore. Boooooo]

Tweets to date (not counting retweets): Somewhere in the 20s. Again, Twitter has never been a big platform for this post, which I've always found really interesting. Also, usually my biggest sharers are the Mormon stay-at-home-mom demographic, but most of the people tweeting the link this year were non-Mormon professional men.

Top referring sites: Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, By Common Consent, Pretty Life Anonymous, Natalie's Sentiments, Nameberry, Bridget's blog

Total comments on the original post: 171

Number of comments before someone claimed to personally know the -jello twins: 3

Number of comments before someone brought up Le-a-pronounced-Ledasha: 19

Total comments I had to delete before my mom saw: ZERO!!! It's a miracle, not a single expletive! No calls to repentance, either. Yet.

Other stuff:

• This guy with 59,000 followers tweeted it. Surprisingly, it only accounted for about 1,500 hits. That's just 2.5% of his total followers. Makes me wonder how many of MY followers click the links I post.

 

 

 

• So many good comments this year, but this one was definitely in my top five:

 

(I can forgive the second Anonymous for repeating Cannon, since the suggestion of "Plinth" pretty much rocked my world.)

 

 

 

• After I received this comment (from a non-Anonymous account, mind you)...

 

 

...I texted Jon, "Did I just get my very first threat??" The commenter must have realized that it came across that way though, because the comment was hastily deleted and a similar one minus the "you better be careful..." part, from Anonymous this time, took its place.

 

 

 

• I so wish I could be a fly on the wall of strangers' Facebook discussions of my post. It's my top referring site and it drives me crazy knowing that people (on both sides of the equation) are discussing it/laughing about it/reviling it, and I can't see any of that. I was emailed one thread, though, that pretty well made my life complete, because apparently someone with a son named "Draycin" hates my name.

 

 

• It angered some people that I reject the name Le-a. My attitude probably didn't help.

 

 

 



Crap!!

I forgot about the absolute best thing that has happened in the last two weeks!!! Consider this a PS to my last post. At our church last week, and I'm assuming at LDS churches everywhere, a message from the First Presidency was read over the pulpit prior to opening the floor for testimonies. It said the usual stuff that everyone always ignores about what a testimony is, inappropriate topics for testimony meetings, with an emphasis on keeping it brief so more people have the opportunity to speak. Well of course everyone completely disregarded it immediately, and the testimonies (depresstimonies?) dragged on and on. This one guy that neither of us had ever seen before was entering his sixth minute without ever referencing the gospel when Jon leaned over to me and whispered, "He doesn't even go here!"

Happy birthday, Jon! Sorry I suck!!

It was Jon's birthday Tuesday! The big 3-7. We went to my aunt and uncle's place for Sunday dinner. She tied balloons to his chair and made strawberry shortcake:

 

 

 

 

It was a lot more than I managed to do for him. My AMAZING present fell through the cracks so I didn't even have anything for him to open, then the Jeep was acting up on my way home from work so he had to come get me. We went to Texas Roadhouse afterwards to celebrate then stopped by Cheesecake Factory for dessert to go, but I fell asleep at 9 before we even had the chance to eat it. The next morning, I found THIS on the countertop, and my heart broke into a million fragments:

 

 

Sorry Jon :( I'll make it up to you with a pool party this weekend. Tuesday birthdays are the WORST. 

 

Speaking of the pool, it's warming up! 

 

 

Glamour shots by Jess

This is my favorite desert plant, and this is the most glorious one I've ever seen. They're only in bloom for about two weeks out of the year so I've been drinking them in.

 

 

BEST LICENSE PLATE EVERRRR. I laughed for an hour. "GOTGSUS"?

 

 

Jon sang "I've. got. HOV" all the way to our destination. Ignore the dirty windshield. The Maz just turned 400,000 kilometers so you wouldn't even be able to tell if we DID wash it.

 

 

SO GORGEOUS OMG. We went on a hike at the McDowell Sonoran Preserve last weekend, and everything was blooming and it was the most beautiful day and I loved every second.

 

 

 

 

 

Two things, then I'm done I promise.

 

1. I just remembered a nightmare that my sister-in-law Lianna had like 7 years ago. She was working at one of those awful telephone survey call centers in Rexburg at the time, and dreamt that she had been assigned a survey full of all sorts of sexually explicit questions and that the call list was made entirely of numbers from her hometown. BEST. NIGHTMARE. EVER.

 

2. I was talking to Corinne about her upcoming trip to FRANCE AND ITALY, and then this happened:

 

Ada: I want to talk to Jessie.

Corinne: Okay, wipe your bum and wash your hands, and then you can talk.

Ada: PAUSE HER. 





Names 2012!

Names 2011!

Names 2010!

Names 2009!

Names 2008!

Names 2007!

------------------------------------------------------------

It's the most wonderful time of the year! Southeast Idaho has REALLY outdone itself. How many awful made-up and/or misspelled baby names were there in this year's newspaper insert? Barf many.

(If you're new, read here. If not, read on!)

It's tradition to kick things off with the Mix-N-Match category. These names seem to be the unfortunate result of blindly picking syllables out of hats.

Skylee Ranae
Raegan Tyree

Taybree

Brylee
Brinley/Brynley

JaCee

Myla

Traven Cru

Amberlynn

Shaelynn Rylee

Shaylynn

Sharlee

Adalee

Next, the To-Be-Expecteds. I don't want to downplay this category. They are still all very, very bad. We've just grown used to them.

Jaxson

Ashelyn Rhain

Jayce

Brantley

London/Londyn

McKinlee (multiple)

Daxton

Paxton

Jett

Bentley Boe

Presleigh

Oakley (multiple)

Harlee
Riggin (!)

Sound-it-Outs

Callee

Kash

Alyxandra

Jossalyn McKinzli

Adisyn
Abigale

Rodnie

Invasion of the Ks 

Kaebree

Kason

Kimber

Kael

Kaiya (TWO!! Spelled the exact same way!)

Kooper

Kambree

Kambrea

Kinzlee

Kloee Lorraine

Kaizlyn Mckenna

Kennassie

Keygan

Dad loves his guns!

Wesson

Remington

(This wasn't in the newspaper insert, but my parents personally know people in Rexburg with a daughter named Benelli and this seemed like the best place to mention it. They also know a Remingtn. Her family calls her Tinny but wouldn't it technically be Tny?)

Palmer Beard?? I hardly knew 'er beard!!

Palmer Dartell Beard

Gerunds

Racyn

Chasin

Treycin/Treysin

Kaclyn (cacklin'?)

Raelynn

Twins. Naming disasters x2.

Sutton and Nixon (both girls)

Xyra and Zoran (...blink.)

Aaaand it's what you came here for: The "WHAT the EFF???????s"

Jagger
Cherish Marymay

Greyleigh

Archer

Rayce (multiple)

Liberty Dyan

Diezel Jaxson

Makiyah

Jayde (a BOY)

Veora CrysLynn "Sunshine"

Jaxzon

Two-way tie for the absolute worst name:

Sargent Slade

Ryatt

(Sargent!!! Ryatt!!! SARGENT!!!!! RYYYYAAAATT!!)

Discussion:

Point 1. Each year I get accused of overlooking the fact that babies all over the place are named dumb things. I don't know how people make the leap from "This is a thing that happens in Utah and Idaho" to "THIS IS A THING THAT ONLY HAPPENS IN UTAH AND IDAHO," but regardless, they do. I will now preemptively link to my response to that accusation, here.

Point 2. The comments are fun, but when sharing names let's stick to first-hand experiences, reliable second-hand at most. None of this "My sister's old roommate is a nurse and her coworker told her..." stuff.

Related to Point 2. Le-a doesn't exist. The urban legend is rooted deep in racism. Stop repeating it. (Same goes for Orangejello, Lemonjello, Vagina, et al.)

Point 3. This is how I imagine little Jaxzon was named:

Mom: Which do you prefer, Jaxton or Zavan?

Dad: Well, which one will make us look cooler?

Mom: It's a toss-up. Jaxton has a J and an X, but Zavan has a Z and V, so.

Dad: I think we can do better.

Together: JAXZON!!!

When Stingrays Attack

Of course I would get the dummy stingray that doesn't know how to eat food.



Hard to hear - I say, "It didn't even get it and it was biting my hand over and over again!" and Stingray Lady is saying, "You know what? Try it again. Try it again." I don't think I've ever seen my mom laugh so hard as when we played this video on loop, except maybe for when she watched this Vine (be sure to un-mute it).

The next thing I knew Stingray Lady was physically placing my hand in the water to feed a different, less toothy species.

She told me I could get some antiseptic wipes and Neosporin in the gift shop, and I hadn't realized I was bleeding until then.

One day post attack.

In conclusion, Youtube suggested this video and it's amazing.

Stay safe, everyone. kthxbai.

Ma!!!!

My ma came to visit me!! Unpictured: A delicious walk at the park on a 75 degree day, the movie theater (Oz), Sonoran hot dogs at a parking lot food stand, Nordstrom Last Chance, paninis and creme brulee at Postino, Queen of Versailles (second viewing for me - it's on Netflix streaming, check it out), attempting to sneak into the church to play clarinet/piano but it was CLOSED....etc.

 

 

Pictured:

On our walk thru Downtown Glendale/Catlin Court.

 

 

 

Of course this was grounds for another trip to Wildlife World.

 

I die.
 

I talked her into touching a stingray, I REPEAT, MOM TOUCHED A STINGRAY. She didn't enjoy it, but she did it. (She has a weird thing with fish that preceeds the time my dad sprayed cheese whiz on her feet when they were wading in a lagoon in Hawaii.)

She'll never touch a stingray again, after what happened next.....(separate post. There was screaming and small amount of blood involved. Stay tuned!)

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------



Her trip, on Vine:

A licky reunion!

My mom feeding a giraffe!

Jon feeding a giraffe!

Penny got a backpack! 

iPhone Dump, as Foretold

This license plate, presented without comment:

 

 

This picture makes me laugh. The expression on her face...

Apparently this happened? I had no memory of it until cleaning out my phone pictures. There were multiple photos in the series, but this one's the best. Jon pulling faces at Penny:

Penny resting her head on Jon's shoulder:

Best thing that's happened in months. I left a wildly inappropriate, mostly anonymous comment on one of my favorite blogs. Fifteen minutes later, on my drive home from work, I got this text from Annie (who I didn't even realize READ that blog):

and it gets better, because the next day, I got this email from my MOM:

 

I laughed for a week.

Jon and I went to Costco for dinner (two polish dogs with sauerkraut and two drinks for $3. It happens frequently). I got our sodas and when I sat down at the table, this is how my hot dog had been placed on the table. #divorce

"I want a pony!"

It freaking SNOWED in Phoenix a few weeks ago. (and no one say, "It wasn't snow, it was graupel" because it was white and frozen and it fell from the sky and stuck to things.)

The sandstone rocks at Papago Park were GLOWING as we drove to our friends' house at sunset two weeks ago. Beautiful.

Penny on Jon (starting to realize I could have done an entire separate post with that title.)

Our Sacrament meeting program two Sundays ago.

 

THIS IS A REAL RESTAURANT in Chandler, AZ. This picture was texted to me by my friend Cara, but I've since seen it with my own eyes.

Dinner with out-of-town friends!

There were six hot air balloons, but I only managed to get four in this picture.

Breakfast at IKEA! This was my view:

and this was Jon's.

Best part is, I made us move because I wanted to sit next to the window.

 

Daily welcoming committee. I'll miss this when it hits 100 degrees. In three weeks.

My mom's coming TODAY!! Can't wait!