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"[My husband] just called me a fart Nazi because I yelled at him for farting."
"It's a broccoli!"
"After the flinker incident, Sweetie has made it pretty clear I should find a hotel – with good plumbing – while in the vicinity." [she's referring to this terrifying event]
"So my mom got Nastia Liuken’s autograph at the Reno airport! Sounds to me like she’s fallen on rough times, pawned her gold medal and gambling in Reno. Only explanation."
"Yes but how would you like to be Fonda Johnson? As in ‘fond of’." [There really is a woman in this person’s ward named “Fonda Johnson”. Unreal.]
"There is a mystery marching band outside of my apartment. What is it doing there? What is its purpose?"
[and introducing what I'm sure you will agree is the best text I've received so far this year...]
"My mom inexplicably slammed her boob in an ice chest today and almost ripped her nipple off! It was bleeding! She was laughing and crying at the same time. For some reason I really wanted to tell you."
Holy cow, that last one is crazy! How does that even happen?
ReplyDeleteLast comment ***SHUDDER*** and ew.
ReplyDeleteYour inbox is SO random! It must never be a boring day. HA
*someone I once knew* had just ended her shower, and was flinging the water out of a nail scrub brush. The brush happened to make contact with her now-dry nipple, and nearly ripped it off. It was bleeding.
ReplyDeleteTrue, painful story.
I shut my face in the fridge once. The boob thing would definately be more painful.
ReplyDeleteHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! How do you shut your face in the fridge?!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI've run directly into walls from time to time. Usually when I'm trying to turn corners and forget to calculate enough time to get my hips 'round!