It's that time again - my phone's inbox is full and I've got to delete text messages to make room! We all know what that means...! Or if we don't, we will soon be caught up to speed after clicking on the link included in this paragraph! Here we go! I like exclamation points!
"[My husband] just called me a fart Nazi because I yelled at him for farting."
"It's a broccoli!"
"After the flinker incident, Sweetie has made it pretty clear I should find a hotel – with good plumbing – while in the vicinity." [she's referring to this terrifying event]
"So my mom got Nastia Liuken’s autograph at the Reno airport! Sounds to me like she’s fallen on rough times, pawned her gold medal and gambling in Reno. Only explanation."
"Yes but how would you like to be Fonda Johnson? As in ‘fond of’." [There really is a woman in this person’s ward named “Fonda Johnson”. Unreal.]
"There is a mystery marching band outside of my apartment. What is it doing there? What is its purpose?"
[and introducing what I'm sure you will agree is the best text I've received so far this year...]
"My mom inexplicably slammed her boob in an ice chest today and almost ripped her nipple off! It was bleeding! She was laughing and crying at the same time. For some reason I really wanted to tell you."