Tuesday Update. And then some.

Jon was in Toronto when I “had my fall” (as you’d say if I was ninety years old). When I told him over the phone what had happened, I could almost hear him shaking his head on the other end of the line. He seriously thinks I’m retarded. An update – the wounds are coming along nicely. My lip is completely back to normal and my rug burn has lost much of its overall scabbiness. In fact, thanks to cover-up and strategically placed hair, only one person two people at my office has have noticed anything unusual without having previous knowledge of the incident. I had lunch with my friend Angel today, though, and I was in the process of walking up to her and saying hi when she interjected, “Did Jon hit you?!?” No, but thanks for your concern.

The other day, I saw a nerdy ten-year-old white kid walking down the street wearing a do-rag. One of the weirdest things I’ve ever seen.

Sorry for the random post, but my friend Brittany recently blogged about cleaning out her text message memory. She posted her favorite messages, straight out of the phone with no names or context whatsoever, which was HILARIOUS and has inspired me to do the same thing. Enjoy.

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“His original wife was fugly”

“Oh my gosh! I just got cussed out by my black roommate, Sheena, for using her pan and ‘being loud’! She said she was going to fight me!”

“If I tell you it will make you think your name is JERRY”

“I just saw the most flagrant neckbeard of all time! Can I use flagrant in that context?”

“Coo. We havin steak”

“I’ll maybe buy some jeans or a new banana hammock”

“I like to spell it like this, though: Vadge. It just feels more right to me.”

“Holy hell I saw TSJ today at CV2. I crapped my pants! She has two kids and is getting married soon. All I could think of was her farting noise!”

And my ultimate favorite texted discussion so far this year:

Her: “I hate RS”
Me: “Are you IN Relief Society right NOW?!”
Her: “Yes and it’s horrible. Lots of women crying”

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Feel free to place your guesses on who said any of these things. But I’ll never tell.