Thursday, July 17, 2008

My Own Response

...My own response to a couple of things on my list of Have You Evers...

Have you ever watched a meteor shower? My mom and I woke up at three one morning, went and laid out on the back lawn in a pile of blankets, and watched a meteor shower that we had seen an article on in the newspaper the day before. Then, we went inside, had toast and hot chocolate, and went back to bed.

Have you ever held a lamb? A guy in our old Rexburg ward walked past a field of sheep every day on his mission in South America, and one day decided that he wanted a picture of him carrying a lamb across his shoulders. It gave him lice.

Have you ever gone rock climbing? Picture a combined Young Men/Young Women’s activity when I was a Mia Maid. Picture me, four feet off the ground, losing my grip, and rolling across the wall. That’s the extent of my rock climbing experience.

Have you ever given the eulogy at a hamster’s funeral? We never had a hamster die, although there was a gruesome attempt at a hamster-haircut at one point. Nothing a little ointment (three times a day for a month) couldn’t heal, though.

Have you ever rafted the Snake River: Why yes, as a matter of fact, I HAVE. And it was one of my favorite things I have ever done. Last summer The General orchestrated a trip starting somewhere near Jackson (by orchestrated, I mean he borrowed a raft, paddles, and life vests from a friend, and acted as our guide). Kyle, Jon, and I straddled one side of the raft, Corinne, Annie, and Steve straddled the other, and The General sat in the back and barked instructions at us. The entire point of the particular run that we ran (run that we ran. You’d think I could come up with better wording than THAT…) was “The Big Kahuna”, a huge hole in the middle of a narrow gorge. The water pours over an enormous boulder, causing a sudden drop. It’s the last and biggest obstacle on the run, and people crowd around on the cliff tops to get a good view of the action. In fact, about a year before we ran the Snake, we were on our way back from Jackson and pulled over to watch. We even took pictures there, completely unaware that in a few months, we’d be attempting it ourselves.

This is what you call “foreshadowing”.

Most people, the ones that actually pay money for trips like this, are inside their rafts, but ours was too small, so there we were, perched precariously on the sides, approaching the Big Kahuna. (Well. Not all of us were on the sides. One of us, and I won’t name names, but it rhymes with Manny, was a little nervous, so she moved into the middle.) Because of the way this particular rapid is positioned, and since the water pours over top of it, it’s almost impossible to see exactly where it is until you’re right on top of it. So we aimed in the same direction as the guided tour in front of us, and started paddling. We got closer and closer, the General was hollering his head off, we went over a slight lump and…that was it. We had missed it completely. The nervous little being in the middle of the raft was beyond relieved for about three short seconds, until we decided we were trying it again, which meant paddling to the left, climbing out onto the rocks, and carrying the raft back to the top. By “we” I mean the guys. We nailed it on the second attempt. The raft bucked Steve into the water, and Annie scrambled to the side and started squealing for him. She was searching the water, waiting for him to resurface, when Corinne’s face popped up right in front of her (Corinne was sitting behind Annie, so Annie had no idea that Corinne had been thrown off the raft along with Steve. Surprise!)

Have you ever got flowers for no reason? I’ve only been sent flowers maybe five or six times in my entire life. One was when I got my wisdom teeth taken out. Another bouquet from my seminary teacher arrived the next day, so naturally I thought it was for the same reason. I came to find out a few weeks later that she’d had no idea I’d had any kind of surgery – she just thought I was becoming inactive and was trying to fellowship me. (This concern wasn’t completely unwarranted. Although I always attended church and weekly activities, it was no secret that I didn’t get along with early morning seminary). My parents got me flowers when I graduated high school, and Jon has given me flowers a couple of times (for no reason. So to answer the original question….yes. But not until recently.)

Have you ever had your picture in the newspaper? Yes, because I was a server at our ward’s Annual Fourth of July Breakfast when I was twelve. It turned out that that was the last year of this so-called “annual” breakfast. I still don’t know why they quit doing it. It was fun! Also, this just reminded me that I had a picture I drew published in ‘the Friend’. My mom must have sent it in, because one day Corinne and I were looking at the children’s art section and she was teasing my by pointing at all the ugliest three-year-old drawings and saying “it looks like you drew that!”. I was on the verge of tears when she pointed at one and said, “no...wait…look..that one really DOES look like something you’d draw!”. Offended, I was poised to lunge for the magazine and tear it to shreds when she looked at the corresponding name on the side column and realized it WAS mine.

Have you ever been elected to some sort of office? No, but not for lack of trying. I decided to run for “Historian” when I was in the 4th grade, so I adopted a catchy slogan (Be Sweet, Vote Sweet!) and wore a giant Hershey’s kiss costume in front of the entire school for my speech. It was so close between me and Brendan McGovern that we had to do a second round of campaigning and speeches. I didn’t wear the costume the second time, and I’m convinced that that’s why I lost. By TWO VOTES.


A little clarification in the contest. I’ll be drawing names out of a hat. This means you can feel free to post as many times as you like, or as long of a post as you feel necessary, but your name will only be entered once. If your child, who is not yet three months old, posts a comment about their diarrheal explosion in the middle of church, I’ll laugh because it’s funny, but cry foul.

There’s still an ungodly amount of time left in contest, so keep the stories coming! My blog is your oyster.


  1. Holy crap, I was a Hershey's Kiss for Halloween, in the 6th grade!

    And, I think I'm going to do a giveaway in honor of my 10,000th hit on my blog, which will probably be next month. It will probably involve US Weekly.

  2. Oh, and should I prepare an acceptance speech for when I win? Can it involve thanking my neighbors for being naked all the time?