My cell phone inbox is FULL which means good times for all! In the process of creating room for new messages, I once again have typed up the best ones for your viewing pleasure, sans names or context. Hooray!
Did he get fired? Most companies nowadays fire on first offense. Costco castrates then fires. It's awesome.
I totally just flooded the toilet in [my husband's] mom's bathroom. Worst few minutes of my life.
There is a mom in Sacrament meeting letting her kid suck on her chin. For like 10 minutes. It's obscene.
A hideous dog.
Our power is out. We're sitting here under a blanket. [My husband] is playing Bejeweled and he just started singing Amazing Grace. WHAT?
Look it up, he is dead because Obama hated Jurassic Park.
I just used eggs for brownies that expired May 7. Is that bad? [let it be noted that I received this text on October 21st]
3 and a half inches long. That's huge!!!!
My predictive text always says "Jerrie" before it will say "Jessie".
Someone sent me a text that was supposed to say "good" but they misspelled it and it said "goob". I laughed for days.
No, he just called me a wet blanket because I didn't want to cuddle.
I could feel my heart beating really fast today and it reminded me of super-tacky, then I had the ticky tacky song stuck in my head all day.
The old poo and wander is a classic.
There you have it. Feel free to nominate your favorites, post good ones from your OWN phone on your OWN blog, or just forget you ever saw this. I am so sorry.
The first and second of these posts can be found here and here, respectively.