I had just gotten back from a doctor’s visit. I’m a new patient there, so I just basically reviewed all of my medical history with them, including this weird heart thing that I have (it isn’t serious or anything, just annoying, and there are a few different methods of getting it to stop spazzing).
Okay, so here it is.
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From: Jensen, Jessica
Sent: Thursday, January 31, 2008 1:56 PM
To: Monson, Corinne (Exchange)
Subject: RE:
They took my blood today as a precursor to my physical (I’m going back on Monday to get all that fun stuff done). She’s going to run a minimal ekg on my heart just so that they can have record of my heart issue..I came up with the best nickname EVER for that condition, by the way, and I can’t believe I haven’t been calling it that all along. Its long name is supraventricular tachycardia, but I’m calling it “Super-Tacky” from now on. When my heart starts fluttering and I start pushing on my eyeball (that’s supposed to make it stop), I’ll say “nothing to worry about, just my super-tacky acting up again….”. I’m so excited about it I can’t even stand it.
From: Monson, Corinne (Exchange)
Sent: Thursday, January 31, 2008 12:41 PM
To: Jensen, Jessica
Subject: RE:
So that’s an actual thing? Push on your eyeball?
From: Jensen, Jessica
Sent: Thursday, January 31, 2008 2:46 PM
To: Monson, Corinne (Exchange)
Subject: RE:
Yeah, it’s either that or strain like I’m pushing out a “BM”…I’m not even halfway kidding about this, and as of today these options have now been explained to me TWICE, by two different doctors, and it’s still just as awkward each time.
From: Monson, Corinne (Exchange)
Sent: Thursday, January 31, 2008 12:52 PM
To: Jensen, Jessica
Subject: RE:
I don’t even know what to say to that. Weird that that would fix your heart. Is it a specific artery or something?
From: Jensen, Jessica
Sent: Thursday, January 31, 2008 3:06 PM
To: Monson, Corinne (Exchange)
Subject: RE:
Yeah, she gave me the name of the artery but I can’t remember what it’s called. I just remembered the exact wording she used…. “bear down like you’re straining to push a BM”. I wish I could have laughed right out loud..but it would have been inappropriate. I hate how technical they have to be in their wording. Seriously, just tell me “act like you’re taking a huge dump”, it’s less weird. Thank goodness there are other options. Why would you even mention that one to me, if there are other things that work just as well?? Is there anyone on Earth that would rather do THAT than put pressure on their eyelid?? It does the same thing!!
From: Monson, Corinne (Exchange)
Sent: Thursday, January 31, 2008 1:07 PM
To: Jensen, Jessica
Subject: RE:
I guess it would depend on who’s around.
From: Jensen, Jessica
Sent: Thursday, January 31, 2008 3:12 PM
To: Monson, Corinne (Exchange)
Subject: RE:
And whether or not I feel like risking accidentally crapping my pants at that specific moment.
From: Monson, Corinne (Exchange)
Sent: Thursday, January 31, 2008 1:16 PM
To: Jensen, Jessica
Subject: RE:
Again, it depends on who’s around.
Haha, maybe they give you the second option in case it starts happening, say, when your hands are full of grocery bags? Or you have something gross on your hands and don't have time to wash them?
ReplyDeleteI don't think I have ever laughed so hard. You are a scream.
ReplyDelete