Thursday, April 22, 2010

NAMES 2009!

Welcome to the third annual BABY NAMES spectacular. The newspaper insert was waiting for me when I came home from Disney World. It had a longer way to come this year than previously. Having parents that live in Southeastern Idaho is fun! Special thanks to my mom for mailing it, and to the Rexburg Standard Journal for offering this glimpse into last year's Idaho (and Utah) naming trends.

[Previous installments here and here]

Let’s bear in mind that each of the following names represents an actual child. Moment of silence. Now let’s jump right in to the carnage.

The "To-Be-Expecteds":
Kambree (x2)
Kinzley (I couldn’t decide which was worse, so I included both)

The "Spelling Abominations":
Dylynn (a boy!)

Weird Hybrids:

Inspired by Sarah Palin:
Brystol Tyhler (I love how they made them even worse than the originals! I didn’t think it was possible, but apparently it is.)

Inspired by 'The Incredibles':

Inspired by 'Saturday’s Warrior':

Aaaaaaand, the "WHAT THE EFF??!?'s"

Cason (Possibly a typo)
Bentley Bostun
Raleigh (a girl, and of all the cities in the world...really?)
Crymson Rayne (you should have seen the disgusted look on my husband's face when I showed him this one)
Fynch (a boy, not like it really matters)
Twins: Macall and Avri (tell me that’s not supposed to be pronounced “Avery”!)
Scottland Presley

A couple of notes: Last year’s ever-popular “Ryker” appears to be losing steam (there were only two this year), though there was a “Ryken” so maybe it’s just evolving. The most abundant boy’s name this year by far was Jackson/Jaxon/Jakson. For girls, Madison remains among the most plentiful, which I find FASCINATING given that these children were all born in Madison County, at the Madison Memorial Hospital.

In conclusion, I’ve given a lot of thought into made-up names – more specifically, the conversation that must take place for a husband and wife to invent and agree on a made-up name. This is the scenario I picture. The husband is watching ESPN, and the very pregnant wife is making up names. Every few minutes she throws out a suggestion – “What about Myzlie? …How about Kamsee?” The husband responds to each name with a distracted grunt. Finally, the wife suggests the name Trayzleigh. The husband pulls a scornful face – “that’s…” - but then, with a look of dawning amazement, he continues – “…the best made-up name I’ve ever heard!!” They then agree that in a hundred years of sitting around making up names, they will never come up with anything better.

Surely that’s how it happens.


  1. Ok.. I don't know you, but I saw a link to this on Corinne's Facebook. I couldn't NOT comment. I love it. Simply amazing. Only Idaho..

    I'm in the process of coming up with a name for our little guy. The worst name (from Utah, of course) I've come across in my research is a little girl named Breenklee. Worst. Name. Ever.

    Thanks for making me laugh today :) Loved the 2007 and 2008 editions as well.

  2. ohhh, i have been waiting for this post! ( i have been stalking for a little while! just pardon that please!)

    Loved it, made me smile and laugh and cry all at once!!!
    Scottland-just awful
    Kissera-even worse!
    Starleigh-that just screams stripper

  3. Ok I'm sorry, but, Kissera? Really?!? How do you even pronounce that?? Unbelievable! And clearly, Tyler without an "h" is much too uncomplicated! Come on people!

  4. "crymson rayne" ...... Not just the name of a girl who does porn, but of one who does fetish porn. About once a month. Yes, I went there....I think her parents did too.

    1. My first thoughts were "it sounds like a stripper name."

    2. Soo disturbing, yet so true. I was sharing your comment with my wife, and she agrees. the first thing in her head matched your description. Cracking us up.

  5. Did Val tell you what our cousin went through on his first day teaching inner city DC school? He had to read role call and there was a "Shitas", the girl said "it's pronounced shitahz" hahaha, sure it is kid, you keep telling yourself that!

  6. hilarious. I'm so glad that there are others that feel the way I do about this. You're really on top of things. And it's almost exclusively a Utah/Idaho thing! A Mormon thing, I have to conclude. One-upping each other on freak-names. I just have to say... Do these parents have NO REGARD FOR THEIR CHILDREN?!??! For the mother of male Dylynn and the like... she wants to be so unique but doesn't realize that she's effeminating her son and also- creating torture for him throughout the rest of his life while he has to correct everyone's spelling of his name. And I totally blame it on the mom. I can't think of any ballsy dad who would allow their son to be named with so many "n"s or other wacky letters.

    p.s. I know I'm a stranger. My friend posted this link on her facebook page.

  7. Oh my! That's hilarious. We wait for this yearly!

  8. Aaaah so terrible/wonderful. Excellent observations as usual. So Coit didn't show up anywhere? I guess I'm relieved to find out there was just the one.

  9. Rayce ? Really? Really?

    I love this.

  10. Bentley Bostun - HAHAHAHA 100% porn name! Way to go mom and dad!


    Interesting tidbit: my word verification was gagolo! INDEED

    Excellent post my friend!

  11. wow. i do actually know a brookelle (she's over 30, so it must withstand the test of time).

    this has given me great inspiration for this tiny girl. . . ha.

  12. Wow! I love this post every year. Sad thing to admit, but my nickname as a kid was Maylie... my middle name is May. Yikes, never thought anyone would name their kid that. But after saying that, I am sure I have people saying that about my boys names.... it's all good!

    1. My cousin's name is Mayli Reese. I think it's pretty cute! So, don't be ashamed.

  13. Barf. really. Did you count the "Y"s?
    I think it a serioulsy sick manifestation of boredom and lack of self-awareness in a culture who spend way too much time with people just like themselves. On the other hand, I now live in a place where
    the names in Charles' kindergarten class are so much

    and the like.

  14. This was great! People are freaks! I have a niece named Dayzy. Talk about butchering a perfectly good name.

  15. This list along with your hilarious commentary is PRICELESS! I didn´t know they put out lists like these. I showed it to my entire familiy and it pretty much made all of our days. I think my favorite was MaKynLee. I don´t think i´ve ever seen 3 capital letters in a first name before.

  16. Oh i also forgot to say that when my sister in law was student teaching in Springville, UT she had a girl in her class named ChayDee (pronounced Shadey) Woods!! Poor girl. And my old roommate has a new nephew who they named Blitzen. Reindeer and human names should not be mixed.

  17. I think my favorite part of this post was the last comment. "Reindeer and human names should not be mixed." Well said.
    When I taught in Mapleton, UT I had a Bridgez.

  18. I still like the name Jellonius, I really miss that snake. What do you think of Breighxleighxscpeigh?

  19. This made my day. You must be getting some pretty good circulation, because I notice I'm not the only one commenting here who doesn't know you.

    A friend from high school named her daughter Shyanne, which I thought was pretty horrid. But that's tame compared to what I see here.

    I'm having a jolly time trashing these parents - what makes people think they are improving on names already out there? (And sorry, Daisy is NOT a perfectly good name).

  20. I read about this post on a friend's blog.. LOVED IT!! My sister and brother-in-law have talked about naming their first daughter Cheznee (yuck!) I understand the unique name concept.. I was always Jessica H. so I wasn't mistaken for one of the other 6 jessica's in my same grade.. but what about "moderation in all things"? These names definitely go beyond acceptable...

  21. oh yeah, and i also know a kessler and a bentley. . . wait, i live in rexburg. indeed.

    that reindeer comment just made me spit out my milk.

  22. These are hysterical! I have to leave this anonymous in case my friend happens upon this site...but she names her children Texas (a girl!!), Truxton, and Gatlin!!!!!!!!! What in the world? At least all the siblings can share their pain together...

  23. I am totally a stranger, but love this post! Even being from Utah, I don't understand people's crazy ideas. Hope you don't mind me posting a link on my blog. My friends have got to see this craziness.

  24. hahaha! This totally made my day! I saw a link on my friend Hilary's blog and I just had to look!

    My mom use to work for a pediatric clinic in Layton, UT in their billing department and they would keep a list of the crazy names parents came up with.

    What is with all the y's? Silly people.. don't you know what you are doing to your children?!

  25. When I was younger I really wanted to name a daughter Genesis, I also really liked the name Praline (Like the ice cream....thanks to that Walmart baby movie!)....but then I grew up!!

    The funniest thing I find is when people ask how to spell my daughter's name and then comment on it like it's so unique and I was so creative with it....her name is Rebekah! I wasn't being creative the Bible was! Thanks though!

  26. I found this via a post by Erika on facebook and I just have to say that I worked in maternity last year and saw several of these terrible names. My personal faves, which were not listed, were Island and Scout (for a girl).
    Something funny is that I know someone who named her son Dash! And of course my first thought the incredibles??
    Oh and the name Ryker? I started hearing that name 4 years ago when I started working in maternity and it was my pet peeve name. There's a nice variation on that one that some parents almost went with and that was "Striker" ....but instead they went with Boone.....cause that's SO much better...?
    A few more things. I've seen Cason several times. It's my husband's best friend's last name. Not a first name. And lastly, if you think Raleigh is bad, although it sounds like a fairly normal name, I've seen Camden several times and that is by far one of the most disgusting cities in New Jersey.
    I think I'll just stick with normal names like Nathan and Audrey!

  27. Ha ha ha! My son's name is on there! And I am okay with that!

  28. I'm ok with Scout since it's from To Kill a Mockingbird (the classic novel...) but there are some SERIOUSLY insane names. My HS psych class ha thre confusing girls in it, sitting unfortunately closely, names kenya, kenyata, and kenyeta. Really. And those are some of the more "normal" ones here in SC, so maybe UT and ID don't have the lock on idiot parenting!

  29. Brother named his son Hank Diesel. Not nearly as bad as some of the names you listed but considering how badly my brother wants to live in Idaho- it fits.

  30. I have a 10 year old niece that lives in Rexburg named KINSLEY. My sister-in-law made it up. Seems to have caught on though.

  31. I really really love these posts! A friend showed them to me as a joke since we are trying to come up with a baby name. May I throw out two terrible names just for the fun of it? The first: Abcde (pronounced ab-si-dee. Also, J2. Yep. He was the son of a Jay, so why not make him sound like a Star Wars character just to spice things up? These poor kids, both of whom I personally know... and I live in Rexburg.

  32. What's your personal opinion on boy names for girls?

  33. Depends on the name, I guess. Though I suppose I'd rather see a little girl named Ryan than one named Crymson Rayne any day.

  34. I know a kid named Recker. I really do.

  35. Jayston
    Maxton's a poem!

  36. I am happy to say I gave birth to a Levi in idaho falls in 2010.

  37. My step daughters have real whoppers for names. On top of the ridiculous made up gems, their mother insisted on hyphenating their last names.
    Vinenzka Natalia(not so bad) Suarez-Villalvazo
    Catalina(okay) Matte Lise(prounounced Mad-Elise?!?) Suarez-Villalvazo
    The silly thing, is that I AM THE UTAHN in the situation. My hubs and his ex are Californians, so I can't forgive them.
    FYI, my captcha was "Astailath Artainew". I'll add that to the list of possibles for baby number 4.

  38. My exs baby mama named her son Dreyden Paul...

  39. What's wrong with the name Shyanne?

  40. Avri is a traditional Hebrew name. It's pronounced "ah-VREE." I knew an elderly lady who had this name when I was a kid.

  41. Izabella is a Slavic-language spelling of Isabella, for what it's worth. That doesn't mean it was intended that way of course...

  42. Karsten, spelled that way, is a legit Danish name. I had a great-uncle Karsten.