I blame his parents

When we were living in Rexburg while Jon completed his undergrad, we had a small circle of married friends. Making friends while you’re married is tough. For starters, single people typically avoid married couples. I know I did when I was single. My sister Annie said it’s because they assume that all that married people want to do is hang out with each other and do the wild thing all day. Even finding a married couple worth socializing with is tricky, because if I happen to get along with the female counterpart of the relationship then chances are good that the male counterpart is a serial collar popper that abuses the word “shiz” and worships Glenn Beck. Then there’s the issue of kids. Once your married friends start having kids, they’re in another space. They can’t stay out past 3 in the afternoon, which means either you’re hanging out at their place, again, or nothing at all. So as I was saying, we had a small circle of married friends, and at one point, one of these couples decided they needed to branch out. They dug up this boring, G-rated husband and wife duo, Jaxon and what’s-her-face, who by chance belonged to the same ward that Jon and I belonged to. Considering how many married student wards there are in Rexburg, this was quite the coincidence. Anyway, eventually our married couple friends were spending almost all their time watching Disney movies with these new nerds and hardly any time with the rest of us. THAT IS, until Jaxon got arrested for stalking a coworker YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT. And thanks to another crazy coincidence, one of our other married friends WORKED in the same office as Jaxon. I call that simply providential, because this friend had the inside scoop, pulled up a picture of the stalkee on the company’s website to show us, and OH DEAR. She was terrrrrible. Think of a 60-year-old chain-smoking wall-eyed child of incest. THAT BAD. Unreal, because his wife was actually a really cute girl. But the woman pressed charges and the last thing we knew, Jaxon and what’s-her-face had “moved out of the ward” which everyone knows is married student ward code for “got divorced”. And that’s the story of the wholesome couple’s fall from grace. Things went back to normal with the other couple after that.

And the MORAL of the story is…..don’t ever be friends with someone named Jackson spelled with an X.

On that note, the 2009 Rexburg baby name newspaper insert should be coming along in the next couple of weeks. So we all have THAT to look forward to, assuming the Statia post office doesn’t confiscate it like they tried to confiscate our friends’ Christmas presents.