Monday, August 15, 2011

No, I'm not pregnant.

I spent the greater part of Sunday morning trying not to vomit, and I wasn't always successful. When sweet, sweet, darling Jon came to check on me for the umpteenth time after I'd committed myself to the back wing of the house, I sadly divulged, "I threw up, and then I cried".

That should come as no shock to anyone who knows me or has read this post. Though I'll admit that if I had to choose one place to be violently ill, it would be my mom's house. I honestly laid there in her beautiful bedroom feeling like I was dying and thinking about how grateful I was that this wasn't happening back on the island. I consider it one of my greatest blessings that I never threw up in that revolting Statian bathroom.

The sickness only lasted about three hours, during which time Jon single-handedly prepared the house for my parents' homecoming. The plan was that I would help him, but then I threw up, so. He was also nice enough to clean toilets for me so I would have my choice of vomitorium. I got the best husband, sorry everyone else. [TANGENT: I was reading the blog of an acquaintance (one I suddenly hope doesn't read mine) a while back. She was bragging about how her husband was the BEST EVAR because he made dinner, did a load of laundry, AND played with the baby ALL IN ONE WEEKEND!!!!!! Isn't it funny what people reveal about themselves, and their husbands, without even realizing it? I had a visiting teacher who once began her message with, "I love saying prayers with my spouse. It's that one time of day that we're equals..." My eyebrows met my hairline.]

CONCLUSION: In checking my spelling on "vomitorium" I learned that the word actually has nothing to do with vomiting, other than an untruth about ancient Romans binging and purging. Nothing worse than realizing you've been a perpetuator of lies!!! Which isn't to say I'll stop using the word in that context. History/architecture lesson: "Vomitorium" really means a series of exits out of Forums and Colosseums and other such buildings where far more wicked, barbaric savagery was happening than binge-and-purge. They might have reveled in watching humans being eaten alive by wild animals, but they did NOT throw up their food on purpose. That's disgusting.

PS - My apologies for this entire post.


  1. I have felt bad for you ever since Jon said you threw up! Yuck. It's never fun, especially for one who fears it as you do. Glad it didn't last long.

  2. i love a good barf post.

    i have been composing a post all day in my head about barf. see, i have this bottle of shampoo in my shower that is the EXACT same color as the barf my daughter barfed two weeks ago. and it was the STINKIEST barf i have ever cleaned up. so now, whenever i step into my shower, i see that bottle and all of a sudden i am fighting the urge to vomit. and the feeling never goes away! i have been wanting to hurl all day. and i can't stop thinking about it!

    aren't you glad we discussed this? barf is a total equalizer, just like prayer.

  3. *donkey brays of laughter*

    Sorry, Jessie, those aren't directed at you. Well, not at your vomiting, anyway.

    Jon is totally rad, and.....yes, there's a reason I have no hopped onto the Mormon Mommy Blogger Reading Bandwagon. That kind of stuff disgusts me. Not that it has anything specifically to do with Mormons, obviously, but it does seem to be hyperconcentrated in that direction.

    Also, if you aren't pregnant, what the heck was the puking all about? Did you eat something gross? Get a three-hour flu? (A threeeeee hour fluuuu.)

  4. I don't know! It was a mystery.