Gravity

I don’t really embarrass easily – I’m pretty good at laughing most things off – probably because I have lots of experience at it. I fall lots more than most people do, I think. And I’m not talking about tripping or stumbling, I mean actually hitting the ground. You’d think I would have a little grace, and I have gotten better, but I was pretty awkward there for about 20 years. Classic example: Picture me, a freshman at UNLV, carrying my books up the stairs that lead out of the library. Entire room full of students below, and the glass doors above. I’m almost to the top when all of a sudden, my cell phone rings. As I reach into my purse to silence it, I totally miss the last step. My books made a HUGE thud as they hit the floor…then slid several feet in front of me. (I HAD to drop them in order to create a hand-barrier between my body and the ground!) So I pause for about two seconds, then pick myself up, gather my books, (a security guard was kind enough to hand me the notebook that had slid into his foot) and answer my cell phone on my way out of the double glass doors. It was my roommate, Kellie, and I screamed into her ear “I JUST FELL DOWN IN THE LIBRARY!!!” I guess I should have been traumatized, but like I said, I fall a lot.


The first time I fell in front of my boyfriend-to-later-become-my-husband, he was a little shocked, but I told him to get used to it. We were on our way out of my parent’s den, where he was sleeping while he visited me for a few days. His huge duffel bag was sitting near the door, and as I walked past it, somehow the strap became entwined around my legs and that was it. There was no chance to even try to catch myself, I was coming down so fast.


Since that first time, he has become an expert at catching me when I start to go over. I could have sued the Edmonton Mall when I slipped on some invisible spilled water, except that Jon swooped in and yanked me up at the last possible second. I was coming down so fast, I would have broken something for sure. When we honeymooned in Disneyland, it rained the whole time and my tread-less flip flops became lethal. I should have been a goner about fifty times, but after the first couple of close calls, Jon let me just hang onto his arm for the remainder of the day. Oh, and there was this one time in middle school that I totally ate it while showing like ten people this cool new swing step I had just learned. It was this cute little hop skip number, and I fell face first. Literally, my face hit the band room floor.


It’s funny though because if you were to ask me my most embarrassing moment, I’m pretty sure none of those would qualify. I have a tendency to stick my foot in my mouth all the time, and that’s more embarrassing to me than falling in front of a room full of people. Anyway, I’ve got to wrap this up so I can spend about fifteen minutes before I leave work contemplating where I want to eat tonight for dinner.