Thursday, April 18, 2013


I forgot about the absolute best thing that has happened in the last two weeks!!! Consider this a PS to my last post. At our church last week, and I'm assuming at LDS churches everywhere, a message from the First Presidency was read over the pulpit prior to opening the floor for testimonies. It said the usual stuff that everyone always ignores about what a testimony is, inappropriate topics for testimony meetings, with an emphasis on keeping it brief so more people have the opportunity to speak. Well of course everyone completely disregarded it immediately, and the testimonies (depresstimonies?) dragged on and on. This one guy that neither of us had ever seen before was entering his sixth minute without ever referencing the gospel when Jon leaned over to me and whispered, "He doesn't even go here!"


  1. Hahahaha! They read that letter in our ward a few weeks ago and nobody listened. There's a guy who gets up every fast Sunday and says the same things over and over. WHY can't people follow counsel and not tell their life story from the pulpit?

  2. this comment has nothing to do with your post because I'm still feeling the effects of a traumatic event that just happened. I haven't visited your blog for a while so I couldn't remember the address, but I remembered your name so I figured if I googled "Jessica Jensen" it would come up. Well, I just wanted to let you know that you must share a name with a porn star because the 1st thing that popped up on google was porn pictures of some girl. Like crotch shot, legs open pictures. I just wanted to warn you to not google your name...unless you want to see that. :) (I thought there would be warnings or something before pictures like that come up???)

    1. My maiden name was a porn star, too! And kind of a famous one, I think, since a couple of times people replied, "Like the porn star?" when I introduced myself. I just can't win, apparently.

  3. Oh my gosh. They didn't read that out on Sunday, but WE NEED IT in my ward. Depresstimony is the right word.
    A couple years ago we had a girl bare (bear?) her testimony probably 5 months in a row about her cousin's suicide...she also explained each time that she barely knew the cousin.

    Last week a girl went on a ten-minute tirade about how horribly she's treated at her job, but she started it out with like half a dozen anecdotes that showed what a bad employee she must be (one anecdote went "but i didn't feel like doing that [assigned task], so i didn't and then my boss just started telling at me and i just told her i don't deserve to be treated like crap and that if she didn't start being nice to me I'd walk out. I never actually would but i told her i would because i was so mad")

    My absolute favorite fast & testimony meeting was the guy who came from a family of like 12 kids. All had semi-normal names and were semi-normal people. He was child number 7, his name was Seven, and he was seriously messed up. It was a very long, awkward confessimony and then started into "i hate women because they tempt me and i think they're evil" before the bishop escorted him away.

  4. remind me, why do we have testimony meeting?