Sacking the Tach: Part 2 of ?

Oh, this? This thing bulging under my shirt? Just a heart monitor. Don’t mind those wires, usually they’re tucked down my pants but they must have worked their way out somehow. Yes, that’s a neck strap that says “LifeWatch” on BOTH SIDES. Sometimes I wear the monitor on an extra sticky patch stuck to my abdomen instead of on the telltale neck strap, but I don’t really like doing that ever since the leads started to do THIS to me(!!!!):

:(

PS -The first TACH ATTACK!! I’ve had since wearing the monitor was yesterday, right when my friend was showing me a picture of the cupcakes topped with giant chocolate penises that she made for a bachelorette party. We laughed for an hour. Of all the moments to have heart palpitations...

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See also:
Part 1 of ?
Part 3 of ?
Part 4 of ?
Part 5 of FIVE!!!
Hearpdate
Stuff I Distinctly Remember Saying During the Operation
The last post about my heart (I promise this time)