Saturday, November 17, 2007

Paintball Freaks

So I played paintball today for the first time in my life. It was an outing arranged and paid for by my company - not surprisingly, only four of us from the office showed up. My coworkers are notorious for avoiding any office events. Since I've never played paintball before I didn't really know what to expect, but I was given fair warning that some of the people that show up to play are kind of extreme. No kidding. There were a couple of nerds there that showed up in full blown gear - CO2 tanks on their backs, wearing these black and red neoprene looking vests and whatnot...just really really weird. And before each round they'd try and give us a briefing of some sort.."Okay, most of you go up the middle, we're going to go to the left and pick people off from there, some of you go to the right...we've got to WORK AS A TEAM here or else they're infiltrate..." Okay so, yeah right, like I'm going to go running up the middle. Stupid. I kind of hang back (I was NOT hiding) and watch the first round. One of these freaks is staking out a spot in front of me about 15 yards off, so I get to watch him work. About ten minutes into it, almost everyone is out, and he's having some standoff with some guy from the other team that I can't see. Well, I am not kidding you, as I watch this kid, he ducks behind this wall and sits with his back against it, takes the remaining few swallows out of his water bottle, adjusts his mask to wipe the sweat off his forehead...moves into a crouching position, gun ready, and TOSSES the bottle away from his position. And he waits, thinking some guy is going to come running out after his water bottle shooting, possibly thinking it's a human being?!?! My mouth just kind of hung open. If he had turned and seen me, he would have seen me shaking my head in disbelief. What! It was the stupidest thing I've ever seen. Anyway, paintball, quite an experience. I only got hit a couple of times, one was a direct hit to my head. My hair was covered in boogery green paint. And I also took one to the mask, it obscured about 80 percent of my vision. But all in all, not as painful and intense as I expected. Oh, I did see a guy get shot directly in the balls though...Ew.


  1. I made Kyle read this post. We were both literally crying at the water bottle part. That would make a really funny scene in "The Office". But this was real...

  2. I saw how thay make paintballs on "How its Made". Did you know that they're completely edible?

  3. Dang it, I just realized you can't go back and edit your comments, just in case you leave a typo.