sloppy seconds

Can it be tomorrow already? I can't wait any longer for the SALT LAKE CITY BABY SHOWER WEEKEND EXTRAVAGANZA. Moms and sisters all over the place for three solid days. Just kidding, two solid days, and half of Sunday. And part of tomorrow. And only one mom. Since I land at 7 tomorrow evening, I'm imagining I can easily have Cafe Rio in my belly by 8. The sooner the better.

Please note our mousepad in the unrelated picture above. It's for some drug called "prometrium" and I'm assuming Jon got it at a medical trade show. To be completely honest, this was the first time I've noticed it. Sitting here looking through old pictures and all of a sudden WAITASEC, is that really our mousepad?!?? wth?? A panicked glance from the screen to the desktop confirmed that yes, I have indeed been rolling my mouse over the image of an old woman wrapped in a blanket for the past year (at LEAST). Unreal. Jon got some hilarious things at those trade shows. I'm kicking myself for not taking a picture of the highlighter, cleverly masquerading as a tube of vaginal cream, before I gave it to Annie for Christmas. She wasn't expecting THAT when she eagerly dumped out her stocking onto the floor...

Anyway, I'm off for the weekend! Pictures when I get back!

turtle soup

Today was “Max-Out-Our-Benefits-Before-We-Move-to-the-Caribbean” day. I just got back from an eye exam (does anyone else get nauseated when the eye doctor shines all those horrifically bright lights right into your eyeball? No? No one? No one but me? I’m the only one? Really?), and Jon had his second round of dental work since last Tuesday done this morning. He’s looking forward to yet another Jello dinner. Maybe I'll even heat him up a can of Campbell's. We'll see about it.

I have exactly eight weeks of work left before our Summer Vacation Extravaganza so the countdown has begun. If you think that I haven’t already started making lists of things to do while we’re in Utah/Idaho/Alberta/NYC, then YOU DON’T KNOW ME AT ALL. I make lists. It’s what I do. Is it bad that almost all of the things I’ve ‘planned’ so far are just names of restaurants?

This weekend was lovely and full of accomplishments. In addition to the usual laundry and cleaning, we actually started going through our belongings and packing things up. Everything we’re sending to the island has to be at a depot in Miami by the beginning of July, which means we’ve got to mail it there by mid-June at the very latest. The school arranges for everything to be shipped as freight from there for cheap, which is really nice because the alternative is taking everything with us on our flight. Not the best option considering we’ll be spending a few days at my sister’s apartment in New York City on our way there.

On Friday, my office got together for a little bit of bowling. I hadn’t bowled since the last time my work paid for it, over 2 years ago. Me and bowling don’t get along. I managed to score a 68 both rounds, though – is there a prize for consistency?

Jon dubbed this move “The Crane”. One step up from when my dad nicknamed me “Stork”, which may or may not have been the result of 14-year-old me “storking around” in a wave pool. The water was a 18 inches deep where I was and it was easier to lift my feet completely out of the water than walk normally. When I was 14 my body was 80% legs, I weighed 90 pounds, and I was a foot taller than my two sisters combined. I didn’t think anyone was watching me. I was wrong.

On Sunday we went to Agua Caliente Park to feed the ducks, which quickly turned into feeding the turtles. As soon as we started throwing bread, little turtle heads popped up all across the lake. Within two minutes, they were swarming the shoreline. At one point we counted fifteen of them within a few feet of us. ADORABLE. I want a pond. Pictures:

Jon looking up at the massive palm trees. He’s been wearing his Keens for a couple of weeks now. Something to do with not wanting to show up to the first day of school wearing shiny new shoes.

[Being fancy with the camera settings.]

Ew, big ugly lizard with no tail.

On being nerd-tastic

When I left for work this morning, there was a text on my phone from my sister Annie, wondering if she was the only one who thinks the new Captain Kirk is “ridiculously hot”. While I’ll agree that Chris Pine is an attractive guy, Zachary Quinto definitely takes the cake for me. You know, minus the ears, minus the short man-bangs, Spock has sort of got it going on. Anyway, after a little bit of arguing back and forth (Annie insisted that liking Spock is equivalent to liking Data), I decided to ask Corinne to settle it. Here was her reply (via text):

“[Spock] is way hotter!! He has such an interesting face. I don’t like Kirk at all. And it’s nothing like Data. At least Spock is half human. K…that’s the dorkiest thing I’ll say all day.”

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Completely unrelated: Ever since I installed Google Analytics to my blog, which tells me how many people are visiting and from where, I’ve noticed unusual activity coming from Addison, Texas. I don’t know anyone in Addison, Texas, which is why I was always suspicious that an Addisonian visits my blog about 5 times a day on average. And sometimes more. It used to bug me at first, and I got really careful with revealing anything to do with location, just to be on the safe side. Well, let me tell you, yesterday I made a shocking discovery. At about 1:30, it became important for me to review Baskin-Robbins’ complete ice cream flavor list. So I typed “Baskin-Robbins” into Google, and there, at the very top of the results page, was a map displaying all their stores near …Addison, Texas. A link to the right gave me the option to change my location. It was then that I came to the realization that my work internet often runs through a certain Addison, Texas, so as it turns out, the mystery person IS ME!!!!!!

I’m the lamest person I know.

your mom

Here's a post for all the mothers that read my blog. My sister Annie passed this story on to me about a year ago - we have no idea who wrote it or where it came from, but it's FANTASTIC. Enjoy.


A Mother's Day Story

So, we had this great 10 year old cat named Jack who just recently died. Jack was a great cat, and the kids would carry him around and sit on him and nothing ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day long on a mat in our bathroom.

Well, we have 3 kids, and at the time of this story they were 4 years old, 3 years old and 1 year old. The middle one is Eli. Eli really loves Chapstick. LOVES it. He kept asking to use my Chapstick and then losing it. So finally one day I showed him where in the bathroom I keep my Chapstick and how he could use it whenever he wanted to, but he needed to put it right back in the drawer when he was done.

Last year on Mother's Day, we were having the typical rush trying to get ready for Church with everyone crying and carrying on. My two boys are fighting over the toy in the cereal box. I am trying to nurse my little one at the same time I am putting on my make-up. Everything is a mess and everyone has long forgotten that this is a wonderful day to honor me and the amazing job that is motherhood.

We finally have the older one and the baby loaded in the car, and I am looking for Eli. I have searched everywhere, and I finally round the corner to go into the bathroom. And there was Eli. He was applying my Chapstick VERY carefully to Jack's ... rear end.

Eli looked right into my eyes and said "chapped."

And the only question to really ask at that point was whether it was FIRST time Eli had done that to the cat's behind or the hundredth.

And THAT is my favorite Mother's Day moment ever because it reminds us that no matter how hard we try to civilize these glorious little creatures, there will always be that day when you realize they've been using your Chapstick on the cat's butt.

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Happy Mother's Day!!!

Hooray!

First things first: WE’VE MADE OUR DECISION. Jon paid the deposit yesterday to secure his seat in the fall semester at the University of St. Eustatius School of Medicine, on St. Eustatius, Netherlands Antilles. SO excited! They have some of the best clinical rotation options out of all the Caribbean schools, and a really high residency match rate. And I’m in love with the island. It’s tiny (3,000 people, 8 square miles) and charming. Lots of history, renowned for its friendly people, blah blah blah. They have almost zero crime and a low cost of living compared to the larger, tourism-driven islands. But most importantly, we just feel good about it.

Lately for work, I’ve spent a couple of mornings standing in front of local elementary schools, clipboard in hand, counting pedestrians. This morning shortly after the bell rang, a woman came over the intercom and asked (twice) if a Mrs. Gonad would please call the front office. And I inwardly screamed “THERE IS NO WAY SHE JUST SAID GONAD!”, but sure enough, a coworker had heard it, too. My ears were not playing tricks on me. The only other notable thing that happened was this: a 200 year old hunchbacked crone going negative miles-per-hour glowered out of her car window at me for the entire 45 seconds it took her to pass by. I guess I looked SO suspicious, standing there in my skinny jeans and ballet flats, holding a clipboard. I resisted the urge to send a truly grotesque face her way. She’s lucky. I’ve got an arsenal of them. She would have gently bumped into the curb for sure.




THERE IS NO WAY IT’S MAY ALREADY. Plans for this month: Packing, starting immigration paperwork, and a girl’s trip to Utah for Corinne’s baby shower. She’s pregnant! Have I mentioned that? Because she is. She’s my sister, and she’s pregnant. With a girl.

H one N one

Last week, all the top dogs in my company convened in Dallas, including one individual from my office. This individual just informed me that an attendee of that conference has since been quarantined under suspicion of harboring SWINE FLU!

I CANNOT get swine flu right now, I’m too focused on my career.

Official lab results due sometime today.

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Results are in: Just regular flu. Forget we ever had this discussion.

I'll get used to it eventually, I suppose

This is what Penny normally looks like:




This is her as of this morning:



Jon took her to the groomers without me and told them to "chop it all off as short as possible". This is the only decent shot we got of it. She's pretty much the least photogenic dog ever. Scroll down for the most disturbing picture you've ever seen ................. IF YOU DARE.










(down)














(down)










...aaaaaand, cue horror music.

some answers.

So we’ve understandably had lots of questions thrown our way about our med school endeavor. Figured I’d address them here and give an update.

First and foremost: I pronounce it “Cuh-RIB-ee-en”. “Care-uh-BEE-en” is generally gross, only allowable when saying “Pirates of the Caribbean”, and has no place in any other context.

Second, no, we still haven’t decided on a school. For one thing, we’re still hearing back, and for another, there are lots and lots of things to take into consideration. We’ve already narrowed down the list substantially, but a final decision will require more time, more research, and more pondering. For now, it’s sort of a muddled mess involving comparisons of costs of living, the schools’ clinical opportunities, the island’s accessibility, populations, LDS communities, crime/literacy/infant mortality rates, island amenities, etc etc etc. Hopefully it will become more clear within another week or so.

Third, most apartments in the Caribbean are furnished, so we don’t need to worry about shipping everything we own there. We’ll take some clothes, bed and bath linens, an air mattress, and some personal items with us. We’re selling most of our furniture (it’s all old, anyway) and storing the rest of it in Idaho in my parent’s crawlspace. Thank goodness they consented – the cost of public storage in Tucson is absolutely ridiculous. Look it up if you don’t believe me. Even with the cost of shipping everything to Idaho, we’ll still be saving thousands. We’re sending it all up by freight. My sister Annie and her husband Steve will be taking our new couches until we return (thanks, guys!!). We searched for three years for these couches and they’re the first ones we’ve ever found that we both agreed on. Jon was so particular that he’d write off an entire set if the height of the ottoman wasn’t perfectly even with the height of the couch cushions. An inch or two above or below and it was all over, no matter how much I loved them. With the fear of another three years of couch shopping looming in my mind, I would do almost anything to hang on to these. Luckily Annie and Steve live not an hour from where our freight truck will be delivering our things, so with the help of my dad’s Dodge, it won’t be hard at all to get them to their home.

And finally - our cars. We're undecided. We're selling the Jeep for sure, but the Mazda's future is still up in the air. I'm not sure Jon could ever part with it.

Sorry for the boringest post ever. I'm rewarding you for putting up with it by revealing something truly embarrassing about myself. The following song is my ultimate guilty, guilty, guilty pleasure. Don't judge me. It makes me happy. I want to dance to it on the beach.

You'd be lying your face off if you said it wasn't catchy.

33

Easter weekend last year, after filling up the Jeep with gas, Jon returned to the driver’s seat all freaked out because it had cost exactly thirty-three dollars and thirty-three cents to fill the tank, and “that’s how old Jesus was when he died”. Easter weekend, $33.33. Crept him right out. I laughed for an hour, then forgot all about it until yesterday morning when he woke up and exclaimed, “I’m as old as Jesus!”. I considered gifting him a white robe and some sandals in honor of this birthday milestone, but ultimately decided against it (though Jon tells a hilarious story of a new convert attending a Halloween institute dance dressed up as Jesus. I wish I'd been there!). Instead, I got him the usual – a DVD, a sixer of his favorite non-alcoholic beer-flavored beverage, blah blah blah. Borrrring. Worst wife ever.

When I asked him what he was going to spend his birthday money on, he told me he was buying us both Keen sandals in preparation for moving to the Caribbean. TOO BAD, though, because we already bought them last week, NOT for his birthday, and there is NO WAY I'm allowing him to pass that off as his gift to himself. He’s always trying to do that – spend his birthday money on gas, groceries, etc. My mom has taken to getting him ONLY gift cards so he doesn’t have that option, but whenever she enlists me to figure out where he wants his card from, he always drags his feet for so long that I want to call her back and say, “ANTHROPOLOGIE. He wants a gift card to ANTHROPOLOGIE.”

Yes. We bought Keens, so I guess it’s official now. We ARE moving to an island. Jon’s been trying to get me to buy some for years now, but I never had any use for them. Let’s be honest, it’s not like I’m apt to up and hike the Narrows at any given moment, and before now that was really the only reason I could foresee having a use for high-tech hybrid waterproof shoes.






We got them in Phoenix last weekend. Then Penny contracted some form of stomach virus or something on Easter Sunday at my aunt and uncle's house, and it was not pleasant. Jon had to correct me twice when I misidentified the substance she was sharing her crate with. And that's all I want to say about it, because a delicious-looking lemon cake just came out of the oven, and I plan on eating at least two large slices of it immediately. Yes, it's a belated birthday cake, and I don't want to hear about it.


Happy Weekend!

So............you like.....stuff?

I’ll tell you one thing I’m not looking forward to in preparation of this move – I’m not looking forward to the inevitable battle over Jon’s old things. If it were just a matter of de-junking, I would have eagerly started a month ago. But it’s not that easy. Throw Jon into the mix and the next thing you know, he’s threatening to cut off his right arm in exchange for that Hooter’s shot glass. It’s a mentality that, try as I might, I just can’t comprehend. Every inanimate object in the world that I have a sentimental attachment to fits into one medium-sized Tupperware container that sits on the top shelf in our closet. Every object that JON has a sentimental attachment to fills up the rest of our apartment, his parents’ basement, and MY parents’ basement. For those keeping track, that means his stuff spans two countries. Soon to be three.

And I’m not just talking about childhood keepsakes and souvenirs from his travels. I’m talking about entirely useless things that I have never known a human being to be attached to. For example. When we lived in Rexburg, he took to the notion that he had to have documentation of every single purchase he’s ever made, no matter how small. Next thing I know we’re drowning in receipts. They. Were. EVERYWHERE. Each time we grabbed a quick lunch at Wendy’s, the evidence was left to float around our apartment until he rounded it up into one of the receipt boxes he stored under the couch. Luckily he seems to have outgrown that particular phase. I’ll never forget the first time a convenience store clerk asked if we needed proof of purchase and JON TURNED IT DOWN. I fell down on the floor and had a fit of joy. Crying and laughing all at the same time. The clerk was all, “wtf?”.

So we’ve made some progress in the past few years. He actually got rid of a ninety year old Stussy T-shirt (though not before trimming off the sleeves and parading around the apartment in it) and a couple of pairs of jeans that had holes in certain crotchrial regions, pertaining to the crotch. So that’s encouraging. But I know that the second I suggest we get rid of this:



Or this:




I may not be met with enthusiasm.

We’re working on it.

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Jon’s reaction to this post [direct quote, received via email]:


“My ‘sentimental stuff’ fits into 2 hockey bags. My ‘useful garbage’ fills stadiums, and that is a scientific fact.”

Texting, Episode IV

My cell phone inbox is full again! Seems to be an ongoing battle. Unfortunately, this time around there wasn’t TONS of fodder, but that’s not exactly my fault now is it?

Prior episodes and further explanation can be found here, here, and here.

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“Secretly liked the name Olive until I watched the FLDS Texas compound episode of Oprah and one of the girls was named Olive. Ruined it.”

“It was fun and we were all wearing sports bras.”

“I just realized that Oprah’s eyes are about a half-inch too far apart.”

“Just saw a guy walking around with a cat on his head.”

[during Obama’s first address to the nation]: “Maaan, we’re missing Fringe. Who talks for an HOUR? What is this? Conference?”

“I was in a public bathroom today and a lady was going pee next to me and it was LITERALLY like a fire hose.”

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Two Oprah references, that’s a first. Anyone else have some good ones? No? Just kidding. I’d also like to publicly express my disgust at Twitter for absorbing my most recent updates. I could only remember one of them, which I recreated, but now the timestamps are all screwed up and it bugs me more than it should. I don’t want to talk about it.

We found out yesterday that Jon got accepted to our (okay, my) top pick for med school – huzzah!

That’s all for now.

this blog is about to get even awesomer

So, we’re moving to the Caribbean! It’s for sure for sure. Jon got into med school (I know! You didn’t even know he was applying! We’re tricky!) for the fall semester. Where, we’re not absolutely certain. So far he’s been accepted to three, with more sure to follow in the next week or two. He's going to be an MD when all is said and done, and we're living in the Caribbean for 20 months starting in September. He does his basic coursework there (classroom stuff) then he finishes up in the States. Or Canada, if we so choose.

We didn’t tell a soul we were even thinking about it. Not even parents. It was sort of a shock for my poor mom (“Jon’s going to med school. In the Caribbean. And he already got in. Will you take our dog for a while?”). Sort of a lot to spring on a mother all at once. Luckily, everyone is really supportive, and yes, my parents are happy to take Penny. Though I still feel torn up about it. But between pet import laws, the cost of shipping, etc etc (it’s a long story that may or may not have involved me crying for two days after reading about dogs being euthanized in Caribbean airports), we decided it just won’t be possible to take her with us. My parents have two other dogs and a large acreage and she’ll be happy as a clam there running around and eating horse poo to her little heart's content, so I’m getting more and more used to the idea. She’ll probably hate me when I try to take her away. I’m imagining me dragging her to the car and her nails slicing the asphalt of my parents’ driveway.

Anyway, this is something we’ve been thinking about for a long time, and when Jon lost his job it was that final push we needed. We’ve been researching nonstop and feel confident in our decision. We’ll be leaving Tucson sometime in July to spend a few weeks in Utah, Idaho, and Alberta, and New York (seeing the new baby!) before we take off for good. The amount of stuff we have to get done between now and then is giving me permanent angina. Please come visit us when we're there. Srsly. Open invitation.


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PS- Completely unrelated: today was a big day for my little blog! Aside from this announcement, my brother-in-law Kyle caused some buzz over the Rexburg names list (below) when he posted the link to his twitter AND Facebook accounts…exposing it to about 1,000 people combined. Then these guys picked up on it, too. See my twitter feed for more info.

NAMES 2008!

It has arrived! The Annual Madison Memorial Hospital Birth Announcement Extravaganza is here. I spent an hour last night cackling to myself and taking notes. Let’s have a look back at the best of the worst Rexburg baby names of 2008, shall we? (if you’re lost, check out the second half of THIS post)


The “To-Be-Expecteds” (ie, mix-n-match): As bad as they are, we knew these were coming.
Brysen
Kyson
Kaybree
Rayden
Harlee (THREE little girls named this. I really wish whoever had decided this was okay had run it past me first)
Blah blah blah. I got sick of these names. There are dozens of them, in every variation imaginable. Eventually I quit writing them down.

The “Sound-it-Outs”:
Lundyn
Konnur
Kenideigh
Xoie
Adicyne

The “Completely Unnecessary Extra T’s”: Interesting emerging trend.
Eastton
Huntter

Hilarious Twin Combinations:
Boisen and Payah (is that like, someone from Boise?)
Brinley Sue and Augree Lynn
Tylenn Braylee and Tyken Raylee (my favorite of these three sets, obviously. Though Augree is pretty fantastic, too.)

Aaaand the moment we’ve all been waiting for….the “What the EFF?!?!!’s”:
Ledger
Tymber
Creedon (cretin?)
Chasitie (not a typo…cha-sit-ee)
Jakolby
a ‘Tavian’ and a ‘Tayvian’, two boys who are seemingly unrelated. How is that even possible??
Zaylee
Taicyr (?)
Krayson
Shikendra
Taggart (HAHAhahHahaAHA)
A poor boy named Traigyn Azure (GYN?? GYN?? Are you serious??!)
Kazley
Cedar

Please note: There were also THREE Ridges, TWO Drakes, and a little boy named Ashtynn. Plus, remember how many Braxton/Braxten/Braxtyns there were last year? It’s been replaced by Ryker. RYKER!! As in Commander Riker from Star Trek. There were FOUR babies named that in Rexburg last year! Every time I ran across another one, I screamed even louder than before. Ask Jon. Amazing.

PS- If you knew I had a crush on Commander Riker circa 1992, you’re a winner. Corinne liked Wesley Crusher. Annie liked Data.
PSS - My spell checker is going nuts.

Overall, I'd say two thumbs up, one thumb down.

The dreaded dentist appointment was yesterday. It was about as comfortable as having four teeth drilled out of your head could possibly be. Srsly. I had a blanket, ear phones playing Norah Jones, sunglasses, a memory foam pillow, and copious drugs during the procedure. The aftermath has been what’s killing me – who cares about having the actual work done? My face and jaw STILL hurt. And I can’t open my mouth all the way. Apparently the old fillings the dentist replaced were worse than he’d originally thought, so he let me know ahead of time that I’d probably have pain. And I do. Really bad. Jon did such a good job taking care of me, though, and I really am grateful that I was able to get this work done. Thanks to dental insurance it only cost just over $100 bucks to get my entire mouth fixed. And the office I’ve been seeing has been great. The dentist even called from his home last night to see how I was holding up and to say I’d done a great job, which made the five-year-old inside me beam. And Jon stole me a Kern’s mango juice from the mini-fridge, so you can imagine that I’m looking forward to THAT. But I can hardly eat anything – Jon made me Jello and mashed potatoes for dinner last night. I had yogue and some soup for lunch today. At least I came into work, so I must not be too bad off. Just sore. Plus, the molars he worked on are all ground down and flat now, so that’s pretty weird. Getting used to it. Gumming my food. And I sound like I have Bell’s Palsy when I talk. Other than that, things went well, thanks for asking.

mishmash

WARNING – this post jumps around a lot.

To begin, I’ve been made aware that BYU-Idaho has removed all Naked Juice products from their bookstore. Why? Because it’s called Naked Juice. (WOW.) I guess at this point, all you can really do is shake your head and say, “Rexburg, you are a silly, silly town. And everyone thinks you’re weird.”

And THAT’S being NICE.

In other Rexburg related news, my mom has promised that she is mailing the annual listing of birth announcements from Madison Memorial Hospital to me TODAY. I could not possibly be more excited to make fun of the words Idaho parents have written down on their newborns’ birth certificates. The words their children will go by from now until eternity. So stay tuned for THAT.

Speaking of birth announcements (sorta) - CORINNE’S HAVING A GIRL! I thought it was a boy for sure. But I always tend to be wrong on these things. Corinne’s thoughts on the ultrasound [exact quote, because it was via email and I copied and pasted] “It's so amazing. You get to see everything, though a lot of it just looks like blobs. And the baby turned and looked at us and it was absolutely terrifying!!”

So, I just got back from the dentist about an hour ago. Today it was a typical cleaning, but on Monday at 3:00 the horror begins. I have to have TWO cavities filled and TWO fillings redone. Before you think I’m some revolting swamp creature, let me just say that the dentist spent nearly thirty minutes complimenting me on my beautiful teeth and telling me what a wonderful job I’ve done with my home care before breaking the news to me. I was feeling pretty smug, but then he knocked me down a few notches. I screamed for an hour. PS- I never know what to do with my tongue during cleanings. It does an awkward dance with the hygienists fingers. Like when you meet someone in a hallway and unsuccessfully predict which way they’re going to go. Anyone else ever have that problem during a teeth cleaning? Yes? No? Yes? Maybe? A little? Just kidding..

Remember when Jon got smashed in an elevator? Seems forever ago. Because it was. Well after over a year of the building management company avoiding his phone calls, he’s finally in talks with a serious lawyer. And WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT, the second there’s a serious lawyer involved, Jon’s on the phone with management’s insurance company. Funny how that works. Hopefully they’ll settle with us, because going to court would be stupid and non-fun. Not to mention lame.

And that’s the news for now. Kthxbai.

Oh yeah, we made banana bread on Sunday and it was really, really good.