Do you think she knows how dumb she looks...?

Sometime between 8 and 10 this morning, my dog went from this:





To THIS:




Check out how huge her fluffy head is compared to that shorn leg.

We're still laughing at her.

Texting, Episode III

My cell phone inbox is FULL which means good times for all! In the process of creating room for new messages, I once again have typed up the best ones for your viewing pleasure, sans names or context. Hooray!

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Did he get fired? Most companies nowadays fire on first offense. Costco castrates then fires. It's awesome.


I totally just flooded the toilet in [my husband's] mom's bathroom. Worst few minutes of my life.


There is a mom in Sacrament meeting letting her kid suck on her chin. For like 10 minutes. It's obscene.


A hideous dog.


Our power is out. We're sitting here under a blanket. [My husband] is playing Bejeweled and he just started singing Amazing Grace. WHAT?


Haha, "Dangliest".


Look it up, he is dead because Obama hated Jurassic Park.


I just used eggs for brownies that expired May 7. Is that bad? [let it be noted that I received this text on October 21st]


3 and a half inches long. That's huge!!!!


My predictive text always says "Jerrie" before it will say "Jessie".


Someone sent me a text that was supposed to say "good" but they misspelled it and it said "goob". I laughed for days.


No, he just called me a wet blanket because I didn't want to cuddle.


I could feel my heart beating really fast today and it reminded me of super-tacky, then I had the ticky tacky song stuck in my head all day.


The old poo and wander is a classic.

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There you have it. Feel free to nominate your favorites, post good ones from your OWN phone on your OWN blog, or just forget you ever saw this. I am so sorry.


The first and second of these posts can be found here and here, respectively.

This post is not necessary

1) Jon refuses to take Penny in to get groomed. Poor thing looks ridiculous. I'm constantly smearing her eyebrows back so that she has at least partial vision.





and 2) Make sure you watch this video.




Is anyone else reminded of this picture? No? Maybe?

PS - I think I might have decided against cutting my own hair (at least until I own a pair of scissors other than kitchen shears.)

That is all.

Catch-up. Sort of.

Okay, it’s been forever. I’ve been delaying this post because really, there is nothing to report. Things are winding down from the holidays, I’m back to the grind in the office, and there’s nothing newsworthy to write about other than this: Jon and I spent a good hour about a week ago rounding up all the pens in our apartment and whittling them down. Since he’s always going to medical conventions and stuff, we’ve accumulated lots of pens. And notepads. And paper weights. And mini-hyperbaric-chamber keychains. I gave a ton of it away to my sisters as stocking stuffers last year for Christmas (so mad at myself for not taking pictures of the loot…let’s just say that a lapel pin in the shape of an IUD might have been involved.) Anyway, this particular occasion we were focused on the pens. They were everywhere. We rounded them all up into one huge pile, I allocated a notepad for each of us, and away we went. We separated them into three separate piles: Ones that don’t work, ones that “work but who cares?”, and ones that work that we wanted to keep. The “work but who cares?” pile went with Jon to his office (though not before he went sifting through to make sure I hadn’t snuck in any of his favorites). The ones we ended up keeping, I’m happy to report, all fit nicely into two (2) holders. No more no less. Here’s a before picture:





And there is no ‘after’ picture, because even I know that once you start taking lame pictures of pens just sitting in tin cups, you have a real problem.

Jon’s last trip was before Christmas so it’s been great to spend a couple of uninterrupted weeks with him. Our weekend was really nice – a trip to our favorite steakhouse, Pinnacle Peak (oh, you haven’t been there? That’s weird. You should come visit so that we can take you). The steak was the best I’ve ever had. I say that every time, but I really meant it this time. Literally the best steak I have ever had. And I don’t use the word “literally” very lightly. Doesn’t it bug you when someone’s all “I LITERALLY jumped out of my skin” or “I LITERALLY cried my eyes out” ? That really bothers me. Anyway, then on Saturday we went shooting up in the mountains. Jon got a new .22 with his Christmas money and has been itching to break it in. Minus him getting us temporarily stuck in loose dirt, then cutting his hand while clearing away rocks and branches in order to get us un-stuck (it’s southern Arizona, you can’t just go grabbing shrubbery), it was a really fun outing.

Here’s a picture of Jon shooting his new gun for the first time:



And the Pepsi can that I blasted with my first shot – kudos to Jon for the fantastic photo skills. Srsly. Blow the picture up and you’ll see what I mean:

Really impressive, considering that the old Powershot A520 can only take one picture every thirty seconds. You've only got one chance at a picture like this. I only wish that the photo I attempted to take of Jon receiving his diploma had turned out so well. I was under a lot of pressure, okay??

And a video of me throwing out a few rounds:




You may very well be wondering how I keep my eye shut while shooting, since I'm not capable of closing my left eye independent of my right, and let me tell you - it's about two-parts scotch tape, one part Jon's hand. Once I get sick of all the eyelashes I'm losing, Jon steps in.

And finally, a picture of the poor target that I created by drawing little animals on blue paper and taping it to a used Advent calendar (compliments of my mom. Thanks, mom!):

The gun hasn't been sighted properly yet, and it shoots high and to the right as you can clearly see. I don't want to talk about it. That's supposed to be a squirrel in the bottom left corner. I don't want to talk about that, either.

Once we finished shooting at that particular spot, we drove even further up the mountain and the scenery completely changed. All the saguaros disappeared and it really looked like African Serengeti – tall yellow grasses and gnarled trees. I should have taken a picture. But I didn’t.

After that we went to Target and bought a long-awaited popcorn popper and rice cooker. How have I gone so long without either of those things?? Growing up we had a tradition of making popcorn and drinking soda while watching America’s Funniest Home Videos every Sunday night. It was the only day of the week that we were allowed to drink pop. Once we got older, the tradition evolved into popcorn and soda while watching X-Files, instead. Anyway, I could not be more excited about my popcorn machine – it has already been used twice since I got it. Two days ago.

Could anything be more delicious than a brownie? How about a brownie with a rice crispy treat on top of it? I found the recipe here and to answer my question: No. Nothing could possibly be more delicious than a brownie with a rice crispy treat on top. Jon and I whipped up a batch right before sitting down to watch Pride and Prejudice on Saturday night. Love that movie.

Sunday we subbed the 4 year olds in Primary. It went well, minus the fact that I’d counted on having them draw pictures of ways they can choose the right and the church library was CLOSED. Closed! The library! On a Sunday! Closed! On a Sunday! So Plan B; we let the kids pretend to be cats for the last 15 minutes of class. As one little girl left with her parents when church was over, I overheard the mother ask "How did you like your new teachers?" and the little girl exclaimed "They were SUBstitutes!" Aw. Little kids can be so cute.

Anyway, there it is. That catches you all up to speed while demonstrating that I probably shouldn't really even have a blog to begin with. I'm sorry my life is so boring.

And that's when Jessie knew.....

My mom joined Facebook. I only know this because she sent my sister a friend request. An hour ago. I’m still waiting for mine…

A longer post is in the works, but this was urgent.

Christmas Recap

Get ready for lots of pictures. They might seem to be in kind of random order, but that's because they're all in the order I took them. Otherwise I'd go crazy trying to group them differently. Consider this post 100% chronological.

Little baby Pearl

Norah playing with kissy-faced Grandpa Jensen

Jon and Nolan. Jon looks wasted because he just got back from a harrowing trip to Toronto. The same night that we drove in to Lethbridge, he left for a few days in Ontario for work. It was a miracle that he made it back - and not only did he arrive the same day he was scheduled to, but he somehow managed to talk someone into letting him on to an earlier flight. So he was back in time for Pearl's blessing (see below) when most flights in and out of Toronto had been completely cancelled (including his original flight back to Alberta). Lucky guy!

Darcy, Lianna, and Pearl

Tatum and Pearl

Jon and Norah

Gingerbread houses!

Jon called mine "the Gingerbread Projects".

Christmas Eve jammies!

Jensen Annual Christmas Eve White Elephant Gift Exchange. Looks like some serious deliberation is going on.

Grandma J with great-grandbabies Norah and Pearl.

I secretly snapped this picture of Kelsey and Jake - cute huh??

Shauna (my mother-in-law) with Norah

Playing Rock Band! This picture pretty much sums up our trip. Glowing fire, lots of toys and babies, and just hanging out. It was too cold outside to consider doing much else.

And perhaps my favorite moment of the trip: Photographic evidence of 8 year old Mason singing along to "Roxanne". It was pretty much amazing.

Anyway, that's about it. Fun, relaxing trip to Canada. My photographer sister-in-law Caylee took some family pictures that all turned out really well - you can check them out at cayleesecretanphotography.blogspot.com. If you want. The end.