Uhh...

So how weird is that UFO in this picture of the Tetons I just posted yesterday? I didn't notice it there until just now. We took several and it's not in any of the others.

TWILIGHT ZONE MUSIC

It's like a catapult

The rest of the family showed up over the past few days. As it turned out, Jon's flight HAD been delayed: Five hours in St Maarten, which made him miss his connection in Chicago. He spent that night in a Hilton lobby armchair. All in all, it was 33 hours of travel time, including the drive to St Anthony from Utah. Oh yeah, and a few more minutes were tacked on when his plane almost landed on top of another plane at the Salt Lake City airport. I don't like to think about it, but apparently they were seconds away from landing when a plane on the ground decided to move onto the runway underneath them. So up they went, with lots of g-force, circling the airport waiting for another try. Good job, Air Traffic Control!

It hasn't been too eventful around here - just how I like it. Lots of slipper-wearing, lots of movie-watching, lots of game-playing. There's this one called "Bananagrams" that is a new obsession. There's a big pile of letter tiles in the middle and you have to create crosswords, like Scrabble, only it's timed and you can rearrange your words as much as you need. Then, if you want to trade a letter, you call out "DUMP!" and exchange it for three others. DUMP. It's written in the actual directions. Capitalized and everything. I like to shout it as obnoxiously as I possibly can.

What else, what else.... Oh. Corinne and I braved a trip to the Wal-Mart in Rexburg which was pretty interesting. We saw the saddest Santa ever, tucked away in a corner near cosmetics, wearing what appeared to be red pajamas with unraveling white trim. The only Christmas decoration nearby was an old heavily-creased hand-drawn backdrop. I wanted to cry.

Speaking of crying, have you ever been to Ririe, Idaho? We accidentally drove through it FOUR TIMES in one day. I sank into a deep depression.

So I've got this overachieving follicle on my right arm. I was pretty proud of the two-inch-long hair it had produced and showed it to my whole family once I got here. Then last week, while Jon and I were cuddling on a loveseat, he suddenly grabbed hold of it and yanked it out while I hollered in protest. Then he explained that I was getting too attached to it. We laughed for an hour.

Anyway, here are some pictures. I hope your Christmas was merry and bright. Ours was.

Ada staring down a bottle of fry sauce at Big Jud's - just outside of Ririe :-(

Gunner and the General

Fondue on Christmas Eve - Sweet family tradition!

Mom trying out her new Wii

I gave her those boots. That's why they're so cute.

Trying out my brother-in-law Steve's trebuchet (movie below)

Another one down

Happy 5th Anniversary, babe!

Back off

Jon may or may not have missed his connection in Chicago. I still don't know for sure. But I really hope he didn't, because I can't stave the masses off this special-made-by-me-for-him sugar cookie for much longer.

Every time I turn my back, someone's trying to eat it or give it away to their visiting teaching companion.

That's what she said

Apparently the entire state of Idaho is without power except for my parents' house. I'm writing this blog post just because I CAN. Corinne invented a scenario involving the entire population of St Anthony turning into zombies and wandering through the dark to come pound on our windows, like moths drawn to a flame.

Last night we went into Rexburg and visited a while with Jon's sister Kelsey, her husband Jake, and my little niece Norah who, as it turns out, can say "baby" unprompted - biggest shock of my life. She and Ada loved each other. We showed up about 40 minutes after I said we would, which may or may not have been the result of my getting lost on the way to Little Caesar's to pick up our Hawaiian pizza. Corinne had called in the order ahead of time and explained to me once she hung up that she couldn't tell if he'd said the total was 7 dollars, or 11 dollars. And I'm like, "ewww, he must have said 11". But no. $6.99. You can buy a large, two-topping pizza for $6.99. And they have "Hot and Ready" ones available for FIVE DOLLARS. Immediately I was suspicious. Nothing that big should be that cheap. Especially something that's edible.

It's been pretty low-key. Just sort of waiting for the rest of the family to show up (Jon gets in this weekend!!). One of the most exciting moments of the past few days was when I checked my Analytics and discovered "huge Scandinavian women" on my list of keywords. Meaning someone ended up on my blog by typing that phrase into Google. I was a little bit crept out, and a little bit proud.

Then there was a really funny story that my dad told that just bombed every time I tried to type it out. So let me just say that it involved a little boy who started wailing out of disappointment when he realized his grandma wasn't pregnant, just fat. He was really looking forward to that baby. Funny? Not funny? Never mind. I'm done with this post anyway.

So far

It's all fun and games until....

Five seconds later, Penny whipped Ada in the eye with her tail giving me the perfect opportunity to exclaim, "Look what you did, you little jerk!" as Corinne tried to comfort her baby.

Let me help you with that....

I made it! 13 hours of travel time and two connections put me into Salt Lake City. My first flight was a 15 minute puddle-jump. I flew from St Eustatius to St Maarten for only 60 dollars and all I had to do was sit with a 400 pound man on my lap! What a deal. I spent two hours in the St Maarten airport before boarding my first-class flight to Atlanta. I don't think I realized ahead of time how serious first class is - like, I'd only get more leg room and a hot meal. I definitely underestimated the level of service. I swear the flight attendant would have dangled grapes over my head while I nibbled at them if I'd asked her to. And I'm pretty sure she took it personally that I declined wine each of the seven-thousand times she offered it to me. Everything about first class was just how it's portrayed in movies. The hot towel, the free-flowing alcohol. And an actual curtain separating the cabins so we didn't even have to look at the jerks sitting back in coach. Everything was also more complicated. Like the tray tables for instance - crazy contraptions that hid inside the armrest. I needed help both getting it out AND putting it away. It was like I was five all over again, and for what? I mean, as far as tray tables go, they were just alright. Definitely no more functional than a regular tray table, but a million times more complex.

As a general rule, I don't use airplane bathrooms, so by the time we landed in Atlanta I had to pee so bad I felt nauseous. But there was no time - I had only an hour to get through customs AND security AND take the tram from one side of the airport to the other. Luckily there were no lines and I made it to my gate with time to spare for a bathroom break, and also to check the upgrade screen. Jon tried to get me on first-class again for the rest of the trip, but I was like number 31 or 32 on the list of priority so needless to say I rode from Atlanta to Salt Lake with the plebeians. And somehow I ended up in the only window seat without a window. It's a long fall down.

I always feel close to home when I'm amongst the group flying into Salt Lake. They're not always the most attractive bunch, but they're familiar. The college-aged girl with skunky hair wearing Uggs and five camisoles. That older guy that looks like an apostle. Some kid with an extreme side-part, obviously fresh off the mish. The "hot mom" in platform flip flops with an orange tan and hair teased so much it's see-through. And that interesting-looking young couple in front of me - they must be just visiting. HAhahaHA I kill me. No really, I love Utah. It's home. Sort of.

I was supposed to meet my mom out on the curb when I landed, but Annie ended up taking a day off of work and surprised me by showing up with her, bearing a homemade cheeseburger. You all would have been disgusted to watch me devour it. Then came the joyous reunion of owner and dog. Penny gave a little start when she first sniffed me, then continued to be a little stand-offish for about five seconds until she pieced together our happy memories (I'm only assuming here) and pretty soon was wiggling and jumping all over the place. On the drive from the airport to my grandparents' house, she sat on my lap and leaned as hard as she possibly could into my chest. All that worrying for nothing.

After a couple of days in Salt Lake and Heber, we made the trip up North to St Anthony (or Satanthony, as Jon calls it). It started snowing yesterday morning and it's been piling up ever since. Christmas Christmas Christmas. I'll put up pictures sometime soon, but this post has already gotten out of hand.

I love you, Tomorrow

GUESS WHAT?? I'm flying first class from St Maarten to Atlanta! Hooray for free alcoholic beverages! Hooray for free hot towels! Hooray for free more-than-six-inches-of-leg-room! I hope it doesn't go to my head.


This weekend was pretty boring, what with Jon studying for finals and me just trying to get all the laundry done before I LEAVE TOMORROW. Which is easier said than done, because our washing machine isn't like YOUR fancy new-fangled washing machines. The kind that sit inside your house and do all the work. I have to manually fill the washer with a garden hose for the wash and rinse cycles, then physically move the clothes to the other side for them to spin. Then once they're hung on the line, I'm at the mercy of the weather. But then I remind myself, "Oh yeah, I live in the Caribbean". So it's all a trade-off I suppose.


Last night we tortured ourselves by watching Food Network's "The Best Thing I Ever Ate: Holiday Edition". All these celebrity chefs were discussing their favorite holiday food traditions. Then it was announced that after the break, Giada de Laurentiis would be discussing some Italian raisin cake and my first thought was, "Oh GOSH I hope she can get through this without smiling too much." Because.....gehhhh.


Anyway, so I'm going to be traveling the next couple of days - first my flight into Utah, then a drive to my sister's house, then the drive up to Idaho - so don't hate me if I go a few days without posting. Hopefully I'll have all sorts of travel-related stories to relay on the flip side. Like how I threw my gingerale in the stewardess's face because she measured out a thimblefull that barely filled in the cracks around the ice. A CAN. I said a CAN of gingerale. FIRST CLASS HERE, COME ON.

Full Disclosure:

I was a janitor once. Wore keys on my belt loop and everything. We were living in a place called Fort McMurray, Alberta for a couple of months, trying to rake in some cash to pay for Jon’s final year of undergrad. I specialized in cleaning bathrooms in a government building; Not my first choice of career obviously, but it paid really well and I was helping out a member of Jon’s family. Plus, we were poor and desperate in our first year of marriage, so I did it. The memories will last a lifetime. Luckily I stayed in close contact with my friends and family members through email during that time, so I’ve got documentation of all the best stories. This blog post brought to you by COPY AND PASTE. Enjoy.

[To my friend Christa, on my streamlined routine] First, I spray large
amounts of air freshener, even if it doesn't stink. Then, I scan the
area. Any bits of paper on the floor, I just pick up with my hand (always
gloved..I got in trouble the other day for using too many gloves. Like I'm
going to reuse a pair!) because it's way easier than sweeping it. Next I
get the toilets over and done with, because they're the worst part. I
carefully kick open the door and steal a glance at what’s in the toilet. I
do it this way so that if there is something, I don't have to know what it
is. I hold my breath, stare at the ceiling, and feel around with my foot
for the flusher. Then, I spray each of the toilet seats with Windex (I use
it as all purpose cleaner, even though I'm pretty sure it's just for glass) and
smear it around with a paper towel. I rarely lift the seat to clean
underneath. That's gross. If it's a men's bathroom, I tackle the
urinal first. This is the only time I use something other than
Windex. I use this Clorox stuff because it says "No Scrub" on the front,
and I figure that means I can just spray it all over, and flush. Five
seconds, easy. If the sink has soap on it, I clean it off. If not,
it looks clean enough to me. Shine up the fixtures, clean waterspots off
mirrors, then check the garbage. I asked the girl who trained me if I'm
supposed to change the garbage every day, and she said yes. But if it's
not full, why would I change it? So as far as garbage is concerned, I
generally just smash it down every day, until it's absolutely necessary to
change it. And...thats about it. Today I was a little more thorough
though because I was talking to a coworker (this 40 year old foul-mouthed
plumber) and he was like "Yeah, all the people before did half-a**ed jobs
cleaning the bathrooms" and I acted all shocked that someone would do that, then
cleaned a little bit better today to make up for it. But really can't
see it lasting.

[To my mom] The older lady that works there asked
me to mop up a "spill" in the stairwell, and to "wear gloves" because she didn't
know what it was. So I was terrified that it was vomit. I was
creeping around the stairwell so slowly and my little heart was beating so
fast. It ended up being what looked like pee. I'd like to think it
wasn't, but I'd have rather mopped up pee with my shirt than even see or smell
throw-up.

[To my sister Annie, on unwelcome intruders] So when the
girl who was training me was telling me about the bottom level bathrooms she
goes "now these are the only ones in the building that are unlocked, so you have
to watch out for homeless people when you clean them". She goes on to
explain that if I find clothes or anything hidden under sinks or in trash cans,
just to throw them away because it means that someone is trying to live in
there. She says this like it’s perfectly normal, people trying to live in
bathrooms. But it seriously happens. The next day I went in to clean
and I checked under the stalls and I see someone's feet in dirty sneakers
sitting in the middle stall. So I'm like, well they won't be long, I'll
just start sweeping or whatever, and they'll leave. So I'm in there like 5
minutes and this person is not making ANY noise. No rustling of toilet
paper, nothing. It reminded me of someone trying to avoid a T-rex by just
being really still. So I was like, whatever, I'll go clean the men's room
then come back. 15 minutes later, same little sneakers in the middle
stall. So I went and got security and they kicked her out. That same
day someone reported to security that there was "someone passed out in the
bathroom" and the security girl told me later that it was just some lady taking
a nap on the floor. She took her boots off and everything.

[To my friend Kellie, on our furniture/apartment situation back in
Rexburg] Our managers let us keep our stuff in our apartment for
free! Jon went to talk to them about maybe paying a couple hundred
less a month if they turn off our amenities, and the girl was like..."no, we can
just turn them off and you can just keep your stuff there for free". Which
is soooo awesome because we were going to move it into storage, then once we got
back there’s no guaranteeing that we'd find another place to live soon, and then
we'd have to live in bathrooms.

ZOMG

I just found out that Judge Judy -- THE JUDGE JUDY, as in "Hi, my name is Jessie Jensen and I watch Judge Judy religiously every single day on channel 18 from 5 to 6 o'clock" -- has a house here on Statia!!!!!

Ten minutes of Google research later: Never mind. Turns out she visited Statia, once, two years ago. Statia-vision is STILL replaying the footage. Lies are still circulating.

I can't wait to go home for Christmas.

hi again

This guy made a grand reappearance on Saturday at the top of the Quill. He wanted Jon's pumpkin bread. Jon is not known for his sharing skills. It was a staredown of epic proportion.

Thankful to be alive

The past two days were bittersweet. Bitter because I missed Thanksgiving with my family, yet sweet because there was no chance of me being trampled to death inside of Wal-Mart the next day. Which is not to say there was no chance of me being trampled that day, period. Making our way through the dark after the school’s belated Thanksgiving potluck last night, we encountered a herd of cows acting like they owned the road. I didn’t like the way they looked at me and was in middle of explaining to the nearest one that she belonged on my plate when we heard a snort. And not just any old snort. The Snort of Death. The snort of a red-eyed, fire-breathing demon. We looked down a side street and saw a huge black bull, standing in the dim glow of a streetlamp and staring us down. SNORTING. STAMPING. LIKE IN CARTOONS. My life flashed before my eyes. But, we came out of it unscathed, unless you count the holes he burned in our backs as we hurried past. I like to think that I escaped death last night.

The potluck was alright. We poured our hearts into a delicious sweet potato casserole only to be line-jumped by a dozen people who didn’t even bring so much as a can of cranberry jelly. But the highlight of the night was when Jon was reproached by a stranger who had finally reviewed her photos from the talent show last week and discovered him photobombing one of them. THAT’S WHAT YOU GET when you continually blind everyone in line behind you with your flash. I thought I’d never stop laughing.

Happy belated Thanksgiving, everyone!

It sure is!

Birthdays are the best! Jon woke up nice and early to get a head start on the coconut tres leches cake I requested. Sweet husband. But the cake mix had been infiltrated by millions of bugs, so… yeah. We’ll try again later with another one after Jon takes twelve showers and stops twitching. As my present to myself, I shaved my legs then listened to Arcade Fire on my way to meet him for pizza. Other birthday plans include opening the box my mom sent, opening the card Jon’s parents sent (we couldn’t wait to open that box: Jon knew there was candy inside), and going to dinner at a place called Largos. Can’t wait!

This weekend was pretty fun, too. Relatively. On Saturday night we experienced our first tri-annual St Eustatius School of Medicine-sponsored talent show. There were some dance routines, some musical numbers, and plenty of pelvic thrusting. Definitely not PG. But it was a night out with free food. The next day we attended a potluck put on by the Muslim Student Association. There was a smorgasbord of delicious Indian food, and all we had to do to get at it was sit through a 40 minute movie on Islam. I very nearly starved to death in the middle of it. If eating had been contingent upon converting, I would have done it.

Anyway, that’s about it. Today’s a good day. Kthxbai.

(PS -Thanks, Corinne, for the rad e-card)

so informative

1) Jon decided to go to bed early last night when I decided to watch "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant". Luckily he wasn't asleep yet when I burst into the bedroom to excitedly repeat the narrator's final words before a commercial break: "Jenna's relief will soon turn to panic when she realizes what just splashed into the toilet is NOT a bowel movement." LOVE THAT SHOW.

2) The following conversation happened directly after we watched a preview for New Moon:

Jon: Maybe we should watch the first Twilight movie.
Me: Why? You want to watch the second one?
Jon: ..............we might run out of other movies to see at Christmas....

3) There was another waterspout! Sorta. It wasn't touching the water, and it was farther away than the other one I saw, but we actually got a picture this time.




...forget I mentioned it.

4) "I Can Has Cheezburger" was a category on Jeopardy yesterday, and Drusha kept asking "Can I have a cheeseburger?" It brought me more joy than it should have.

Diet Coke and a pizza, please

It's been a pretty boring weekend so far. Jon's got exams on Monday, so he's been studying non-stop. It's given me the chance to watch a lot of TV, think about Christmas, and improve my Freecell win percentage (76%! I'm a Freecell champion!). Though he did take a break yesterday for an intense CD-ROM Scrabble face-off to the tunes of Mika. I won. Later, I made cake from a German chocolate cake mix (sans frosting). German chocolate is my mom's absolute favorite - she's made it for herself every year for her birthday for as long as I can remember. If she'd given birth to decent children, that last sentence would have read a bit differently. Anyway, it wasn't until just this August (when I HELPED her make it for her birthday) that she explained to me the cake's title doesn't come from a country, it comes from a certain Mr. German who invented a new sort of chocolate way back in the day. For some reason this came as a huge shock to me. You see, my parents lived in Germany for several years and I'd always figured she aquired a taste for German chocolate cake while she was there. This new knowledge changes everything.

MIND BLOWN.


So Jon bought me an earlier flight in December to get me out of his hair before finals. Apparently I'm a distraction. Now I'm going home ten days sooner, hurrah! Anyway, there's a list that's been sitting on the coffeetable. I've added a little to it here and there, and it's now ready for sharing.

OTHER THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO AT CHRISTMAS:

Going to a movie in the theater. Eating popcorn there.
Taking a long shower. Hot. Not having to turn the water off while I shampoo and soap up.
Drinking a tall glass of whole milk. Having some cereal with my whole milk.
Wearing real clothes. Oh skinny jeans, I've missed you.
Not sleeping on pillows stuffed with what seems to be shredded styrofoam.
Making Christmas sugar cookies with my ma.
Eating fruit other than apples and bananas and coconut.
Catching up on all the videos friends and family have posted to their blogs.
CHRISTMAS EVE FONDUE, a Sweet Family tradition.
Snuggling with Jon without having to unstick later. Also, not having facial perma-greeze.
Egg McMuffin, hashbrown, orange juice, with apple pie chaser.

PS - I'm going to be 24 in ten days. Apparently this year is my "Golden Birthday". I recently learned that term from my sister Annie. She was born on October sixth and is still a little bitter that she was too young to recognize her own "Golden Birthday" when it happened.

evening stroll

First: I AM SO EXCITED FOR CHRISTMAS. It's my family's year and we'll be spending it in frozen St Anthony, Idaho. CANNOT WAIT. I pretty much think about it all day every day, probably as the direct result of living in a third world country. Earth has never seen the likes of me eating a hamburger after four months of meat deprivation. Plus, I'm a little ashamed to admit how much I miss Penny. Jon thinks I'm a terrible person for missing a dog seemingly more than people, but I maintain that it's not at all the same thing. It's not. She doesn't understand where I went. We can't talk on the phone or email. She might forget me for crying out loud. Anyway, I'll admit that I had a dream three nights ago about my happy Christmas reunion with her. When I told Corinne that, she wrote back, "Was there slow-motion involved?" Perhaps. But she's living it up in Idaho and being the perfect little dog for my parents. Except for the other day when she took a dump in the middle of Petsmart when my mom brought her in for a grooming. The best part is that there were little kids around that freaked out, plugging their noses and yelling, "ewwwww that STIIIINKS!!" I laughed hysterically when my mom told me about it. Sorry mom.

Second: Last night was really fun. We went on another evening walk along Crooks Castle beach and saw some interesting things. PHOTO OVERLOAD:

Herons love beer.

Jon, sifting for blue beads.

Oh my gosh, I laughed so hard - so Jon picks up a pretty shell, turns it over, and a CRAB comes out, flailing its legs trying to get away. Jon drops it out of surprise. Apparently the impact scared it out of its shell. I'm fairly certain that's never happened. After the photo shoot, we propped its shell up right in front of his face and left, so hopefully he figured it out.

What in the H is this?? No clue. There were three all in the same area, about the size of ping pong balls, very firm, and full of swirling liquid. Jon reached down and barely touched this one, then jolted backwards and yelled something like, "Gah!!" Scared me to death, so I'm all screaming "What is it?? Did it sting you???" It didn't, but I guess the texture caught him off-guard. (?)

This crab tried to take refuge under Jon's shoe. Then Jon touched its head.

Somewhere in here we also saw the exoskeleton of a sea urchin, but I couldn't get my camera out in time before Jon stomped on it.

These goats are an inch from death. Srsly. Last time we were there, we saw a goat skeleton at the bottom of this cliff :-( And there they are, frolicking around, leaping and sliding and causing sand-avalanches (generally considered more dangerous than sand-moustaches). I watched them for like a minute and it took five years off my life.

A coconut tree growing from a coconut!! Has anyone seen anything more delightful??

And then, to conclude, oh my gosh, prettiest sunset ever on our walk back home. I took an unheard-of amount of pictures of it. Here are the best ones.

(spot the people swimming)

because you asked so nicely

More pictures from the rest of our long weekend:

We took the 4-wheeler out to "Whitewall" to see St Kitts and old Fort de Windt.

..aaaand this is why it's called Whitewall. Turns out it's an actual wall that's white.

The day after, we decided to check out the Botanical Gardens. They came with another great view of St Kitts, THIS time with a looking scope that we paid 50 cents to look through for five seconds.

On our way back from the gardens, we decided to check out Corre Corre Bay. Since the 4-wheeler was borrowed, we decided to trek down to a viewpoint by foot. We would have made our way all the way down the cliff if I hadn't been nursing an ingrown toenail. I could only wear flipflops and while excellent for avoiding putting pressure on a swollen, pus-filled infection, they're not really the best footwear for scaling a cliff. Here's a view from above - a reef protects the bay from the waves, making for good snorkeling (so we've been told).

kthxbai

This is why I'm hot

Reason #1) It was inevitable: I gagged on this pill. Made a loud noise and everything. Jon, a few yards away in the living room, leaned back in his seat to get a better view of me. His face was a mixture of alarm, confusion, and 'wtf?' Several long seconds passed, then he shook his head and went back to his TV show.

Reason #2) At the beach this weekend, he looked at me in disbelief and asked, “How can one person be so sandy and not be five?” He may or may not have used the term 'sand-moustache' as a descriptor.

Reason #3) Two nights ago, he made me sleep with a sock on because he was so disgusted by my ingrown toenail.

Not so fast. I'm taken.

Zeelandia

This glorious piece of heavenly heaven is Zeelandia beach. It’s been here the entire time we have, but this weekend was our first chance to go. (Being able to go to the places you want to go is FUN! I can’t WAIT for when we have an ATV.) We had the entire beach to ourselves, except for the two Parks volunteers tallying eggs in a turtle nest YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT.

Unfortunately, none of the eggs they dug up were viable. They all died from this unusually hot weather. Hey Weather, will you quit killing all the baby turtles already? Everyone HATES you when you kill baby turtles.

Here’s evidence of the nest that successfully hatched last week.

Turtle tracks!

Anyway, it was a great beach day. We jumped over waves, we splashed around, we watched pelicans fishing. But we didn’t swim.

Remember, this is that beach I told you about, the one generally considered a death trap. We played it safe, even though I’m not a thousand percent convinced of the danger. Half of the 2 people who have ever died there were drunk when it happened – in fact, a rumor has started that he drowned himself on purpose. But the other guy, the non-drunk one…his body was never found. So THAT’S disheartening. Still, I can see myself buying a life vest and a boogie board and heading out to where the waves break.

Some more pictures from our day of fun in the sun:

That’s the Quill in the background, btw. If you look closely, you can see St Kitts popping up to the left of the volcano. St Kitts is less than ten miles away – the closest island to us – but this was our first time seeing it. It hides behind the Quill and isn't visible from most places on the island.

Check out the piece of my hair stuck to Jon's face.

St Barth's in the background

That’s a pelican splashing down into the water. We were laughing hysterically at him. He would dive-bomb the shallows, and I’m convinced that a couple of times he actually stunned himself from the impact.

How much better would this picture have been if the umbrella were a cute, colorful one, instead of a black “Radiesse” one that Jon got for free from some medical meeting? WAY BETTER.