More Fun with Screen Capture

This time they're mostly from my iPhone. Best trick I ever learned, taking a picture of your screen.


First, Jon's birthday wishes to our friend Addie:

 

 

Second, this: 

 



 

.............Uhhhhh.....incorrect.

 

 

Third, a sketch I drew and texted to Christa by request. Something to do with an old ward member. He was like 7'1", had a wife and three kids, and bought a Mini Cooper during his mid-life crisis. Watching them all get in and out provided endless laughs. This is Curtis all folded up inside, his chin resting on his knees:

 

 

 





 

Fourth, I laughed so hard at this:

"Just like a 'wimpy kid' in middle school, you'll know if you dog is getting bullied if, in social settings like the dog park, it gets frequently mounted..."

 

 

Fifth, this question from Annie (and my answer):

And since this is such a random post, I'll throw a couple of stories on here, too. First, Jon texted me a couple of weeks ago to say that he saw the Pregnant Man in the office complex next to our apartment!! The guy had his baby with him and the baby smiled at Jon! I immediately shared the news on Facebook and got a lackluster response. PREGNANT MAN, PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!! I don't care that he was born female and has a uterus. Best "celebrity" sighting ever, and literally a couple hundred yards from our apartment.

Last, we went to a ward party on Saturday night and sat with these new people and their baby. From an email I sent to Christa: "I look over at Jon and there is a GIANT BEETLE on the collar of his shirt!! So I completely panic - a silent panic, I should add - and without even thinking I flicked it. AND I HAD NO IDEA WHERE IT WENT, but it flew in the general direction of the NEW LADY'S PLATE!! And she was sharing her food with her baby!!! I might have flicked a beetle into a baby's food!! No one suspected anything though, so of course I didn't say anything. Though I kept casting furtive glances at their meal."

kthxbai

Jon joined a gym.

Yesterday. The awesome kind with a pool and a sauna and a steam room and CLASSES and a guy named Chuck and everything. I was slightly jealous, until the following conversation took place:

Jon: Yeah, I’m gonna go every day. You can come with me, too. Chuck’s going to just keep mailing you free month passes.
Me: Huh? Wha? Why?
Jon: ………………………….…………….I told him about your heart.
Me: JONATHAN GLEN JENSEN!!!
Jon: What! I didn’t LIE…
Me: [maniacal laughter]

Fin

GO TO YOUR ROOM AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE

I already shared this on Facebook and Twitter, but I can't see why that should prevent me from putting it on my blog as well.

Bad Dogs Being Publicly Shamed on the Internet

I laughed until I cried, and spent the rest of the workday looking forward to Penny's own MUCH DESERVED public shaming.

The Shining

I’m about done with going to the movies. I couldn’t even tell you the last time I had a pleasant theater experience. There’s always that lady that brings her nearly deaf friend and yells spoilers during the entire movie despite me angrily turning around and demanding, “PLEASE BE QUIET YOU’RE TALKING REALLY LOUD,” and the guy that tries to put his feet on my armrest or right next to my head, and the whisper-screamers (people that think they’re whispering yet somehow the ENTIRE THEATER can hear them), and the parents that let their kid wear shoes that flash every time he violently kicks the back of my chair. People! Why can’t you all just BE NORMAL? How hard is it to sit quietly for two hours without being a total stain??

But worst of all are the movie-texters.

Heads up. If you are in a movie theater with me and the previews have ended and the movie has begun and you pull your cell phone out more than once to check your texts, I WILL say something, because you are an obnoxious, inconsiderate, selfish human being. And no, there is no discreet way to turn your screen on. I promise you that the people around you will see the glow, even if you try to sneak a peek while it’s in your purse. And to those of you who throw discretion out the window and brazenly hold your phone at eye level during the movie...there are just not enough bad things to say about you :)

Don’t worry, though – I always ask politely at first, even though I secretly want to choke the life out of you. The first time I ever nicely asked a stranger through gritted teeth to please turn his phone off, I fully expected to be met with belligerence. Instead, the guy quickly stashed his phone and was overly apologetic, as though he had no idea that the glow of his phone in a dark theater was like the light of a thousand suns.

But sometimes people require a heavier hand. I saw The Dark Knight Rises while in Idaho, and my poor mom got landed sitting next to a serial phone checker. Partway through the movie she finally told him to put his phone away (please), and he did, but then NOT TWO MINUTES LATER he pulled it out again!!!!!1 I leaned across both her and Annie and yelled, “Dude! Put your phone away!!” That, combined with my angry face (it’s quite scary) did the trick. He waved his arms in mock surrender and complied. I was aghast. You shouldn’t even have to be told once!! And did we not both just pay three hundred dollars to see this movie?? I really don't get it.

This weekend, Jon and I saw three movies in theaters. In one, we got up and moved because the sickly 11-year-old kid behind us was vociferously sniffling every 3-6 seconds, ignoring his mom's offers of Kleenex. In the two others, we told people to put their phones away in what turned out to be a couple of my favorite incidents to date.

In the first, I gave the idiot lady next to me a twenty minute grace period into Hunger Games before I finally told her, “Turn your phone off, please.” She looked up, alarmed, confused. I repeated myself. And then.

She replied.

Just wait.

You’re going to die.

She replied:

[defensively]

“It’s on vibrate.”

The last answer on earth I was expecting. No belligerence, no, “screw you, I don’t care,” not even a sheepish look - this was a woman who had never grasped the concept that a bright phone in a dark room is distracting. My response was something along the lines of, “NO, it’s the BRIGHT LIGHT that’s a problem. Your phone is BRIGHT. My eyes…the light…the light…my eyes [sunburst hand motion demonstrating the burning effect of her phone on my eyeballs].” She stashed it.

And the last one. It fills me with glee. During Seeking a Friend for the End of the World, the woman in front of us pulled her phone out every five minutes and held it directly in front of her face. She either ignored me or didn’t hear me when I told her to put it away. Twenty minutes later, Jon piped up and said, in a much nicer tone than I had, “Put your phone away, please.” She froze, slowly lowered her phone into her purse, sat still for a minute, then left the theater and never came back.

I think that means we won.

Idaho Photo Dump 3 (it's over!)

Annie and Ada.

Love this angle. Three tiny kids on tiny horses...Annie.

Lunch at Original Thai in Rexburg.

Ada went nuts on the shutter button, I have like thirty just like this. That's a shower curtain in the background but don't let that stop you from eating at the restaurant if you're in the area. So good.

Snow cones right before Annie had to leave :(

From Facebook regarding this picture:

Ada wanted to play "church" wherein we'd take turns at the music stand, announce a song, wave our arms and sing. It's worth watching if only for her enthusiastic bow at the end:

Bear World!

Corinne paid my ridiculous SIXTEEN DOLLAR ENTRY FEE which included access to the petting zoo. Best day ever:

That chicken was making horrific noises and Ada kept worriedly asking,"What's wrong with it??" Then she decided it was "broken" and lost interest.

Gator Jack's in Rigby. GO THERE. It was somehow my first time and the food was amazing, as was the alligator with the English saddle on its back.

Motherboy!!! The only way they could have been more matching is if Corinne adopted Joseph's hairdo.

And finally, this horse is listed for sale in the SE Idaho classifieds. Any takers? 

Idaho Photo Dump 2

SO MAD THIS IS BLURRY!

 

Ducklings in Cal Ranch.

St Anthony Sand Bar! This is the single best thing about my parents' town. They section off a piece of the river for swimming. There's also a slide, a diving board, a playground, and a rope swing.

Ada, working up the courage. She eventually did, and it was AWESOME. Somehow I got roped into doing all the catching at the bottom, though. (This picture is one of my favorites, if not THE favorite, from the entire trip.)

My mom and Annie riding at sunset.

Sandhill cranes.

We stopped on our way to Mesa Falls to feed the fish at Warm River.

The falls.

Pets must be leashed.

Headed to gymnastics!

Rare snuggling with Nana. Corinne was jealous.

I curled Corinne's hair. It was a masterpiece.

I curled Annie's hair, too. Work of art.

Tried curling my own hair. Got waves instead. They didn't last :( Am I doing this dark-rimmed glasses trend right?

Ada and Jem, my mom's new ride.

Jem does tricks:

(If you decided not to watch the video, you missed this.)

Aaaaaand why Ada had a sniffly nose and itchy eyes the entire time she was in Idaho in three...two...one...

Idaho Photo Dump 1

Joseph at breakfast, right after my mom and Corinne picked me up from the airport (my first time meeting him!)

Ada unceremoniously covered Gunner with a baby blanket.

GORRRRRRGEOUSSSS 

Tipped over and didn't even make a sound.

St. Anthony Pioneer Day Parade!!

This was Joseph the entire time.

Candy raining into our laps.

Don't bite the baby!!!!!! jk I caught him yawning.

And again.

Then Annie was there!!!!!!! HOLY GREEN EYES, ANNIE.

There's still a shload more to come, but just one last thing for this post. I would be truly ungrateful if I didn't publicly tell you about how Ada was squawking at the dinner table and when an exasperated Corinne finally asked her what was up Ada exclaimed, "I got ice in my pants!"

kthxbai