USPS lost the newspaper insert this year, but I prevailed! Ready, set, go!
The typical drivel:
Aubree
Oakley
Gracee Blue
Braelyn Tess (I’m feeling a ditty coming on: ♫ “Look out! Here comes Braelyn Tess, the old blind widow who loves to read!” ♫)
Addisyn
Oaklie
Brynlee
Bentlee
Braelyn Kinleigh (Another Braelyn?? How? ...Why?)
Sayler Grae
Ashtyn
Zayla
(Leah) Adasynn
Brynlee
Kenadee Braelynn (BRAELYNN!!! I guess these inexplicably could have used their own category, but I sort of feel like that would mess up the flow of my Braelyn Tess joke.)
Ashtyn Rayne
Taelynn
Myah LaRae
Rylan
Teigan
Brantley
Paxton
Daxton
Kasen
Diesel J.R.
Taivan Kinley
Diesel Kae
Jax Kota
Sound-it-outs:
Decklan
Kendryck
Teagon
Danyelle
Oliver Danyil
Zeek (Facepalm.)
K:
Kailee
Karter
Kordon
Kolbin Treece
Kole
Kash
(Mason) Kurtis
On the map:
Houston Kodi
Dakota
Memphis
Austin
Paycen
GUNS AND BEER! GUNS AND BEER!
Samuel Adam
Remington “Remi” Delila
Ruger
Gauge
Paisleys (and variants) and Presleys (and variants):
Addisyn Paislee
Paizley
Paisley
(Ava) Preslee
Presleigh
Jo’s ‘n J’s:
Hannah Jo
McKinley J
Karleigh Jo
Auburn J
Tenly Jo
Danielle Jo
A glitch in the matrix:
Gracie Deja Linn
Dejah Lynn
Unknown Norse gods..?:
Reata
Revik
Payette:
Payette (we’ve had a Payette before!)
Say no to names with “GYN” in them:
Reagyn Sumerli
Jack Be What? JACK BE WHAAAT???
Jack B ('Nimble' is the easy joke here, but I prefer the option 2: TRIPPIN'.)
Twin disaster:
Maylee and Kayva
The "What the EFF???"s:
Kenzlee KaeLynn
Lexxus
Charlize Zeplynn
Kolay
RaeLeigh
Trezlynne
Madilaine TwilaLou
Tigè Rae (I believe they may have been looking for an accent aigu instead.)
Jax Kota
Axyl Boone
(Sawyer) Rayce
Absolute worst name:
Gunner J-Mack (Historically, this category results in ties and/or runners up, but this time there was no contest.)
Longest name:
Tie: Madilaine TwilaLou [8 letter lastname] and Trezlynne Danielle [8 letter lastname] (both are 25 letters, and both are based on the novel Push by Sapphire)
Shortest name:
Ty [no middle name]
Most Mormon name:
Brigham Taylor
Trekkiest name:
Robert Ryker Picard (!)
Name that overlaps the most categories:
Kenzlee KaeLynn usurped Madilaine TwilaLou because, while they both have compounding made-up, misspelled, and double-capital-letter elements, Kenzlee KaeLynn has the K advantage. Ridiculous name, Level 5: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!
Worst real names:
Hagen M
Grayson Gunter (Say no to names with "gyn" in them, say no to names with "Gunt" in them.)
Augustus Cleve
NAMING DONE RIGHT: A round of applause for the best names of 2014:
Fern Lillias
Emily Faye
Claire
Caleb Wyatt
Alexander Julian
Discussion:
- Many of these names overlap categories. I could have made a very large and complex Venn diagram, but I didn't.
- Tell your friends: Cabbage-sized flower headbands are (mostly) out, infants in pearl necklaces are in.
- At one point as I was combing through the names and sorting them into lists, I had one called "Needs categorizing." I guess you can take the girl out of Idaho, but you can't take the Idaho out of the girl.
- I trust I don't need a Le-a and -Jello twins disclaimer again this year. You are better than that!
One last category, just for fun.
Photo that most resembles a baby in a sea of vomit:
