Still in Idaho

Lately, we've been:

1) Boating/fishing with our new friends, Dell and Carla. 3 consecutive days. I wore a baseball cap on each of those days. A first for me, hooray!

2) Taking care of my parents' house/property/animals while they're in Rome.

3) Exercising the H out of the dogs so they'll stop being so crazy towards each other.

4) Facilitating inter-species playtime.

(That is an airborn cat)

(This too)

(ow)

(ow)

(ow)

5) Introducing nieces to horses.

6) Fox-watching.

We are now days away from leaving for New York, directly followed by leaving the country for two years, so please don't panic if I don't manage to post between now and WHEN WE'RE ACTUALLY ON THE ISLAND. I'll post as soon as I can once we're set up there. Don't even worry about it.

puppy love

Jon's brother Darcy and his wife Lianna stayed a night at my parent's house on their way up to Canada a couple of weeks ago to split their 12+ hour trip from Boise into two days. Penny could not have been more thrilled about it.

Pearl was tolerant enough, though she didn't appreciate the frequent face-washings.

In this one, Penny is clearly telling Lianna, "Thank you for bringing me this tiny human".

At one point, after Pearl had been put down for the night, Penny took advantage of the partially-cracked door and disappeared into the darkness of the spare bedroom. It took a full minute of me whisper-screaming her name from the hallway before she came slinking out, disappointed.

Ps- This picture of Jon and Pearl makes me happy.

I really saw this.

...with my own eyes. Too bad my phone takes tiny thumbnail photos. This woman was a hairdresser (a hairdresser!!) at my mom's salon, and I kid you not, as I sat there watching her with my mouth gaping open, she began teasing this hair. I mean, obviously I knew that's how it got to be so terrible in the first place, but to see it happening right in front of me was truly spectacular. Thank you, Idaho, for moments like this!

Did I mention I saw a baby giraffe?

Jon and I drove to Heber this weekend to spend a couple days with my sister Annie and her husband Steve. They both had the day off yesterday so we went to the Hogle zoo and saw a BABY GIRAFFE! I almost hopped the fence to wrap myself five times around its cute little baby giraffe neck. Five times. That's how huggable it was.

Here it is nursing. What could possibly be sweeter than a baby giraffe nursing? Hardly anything. That's what.

Now you see me...

Now you don't.

It was only twelve days old! Some guy standing behind us read aloud its birthday off a sign, then remarked "Only 2 weeks old! Wow, they get big QUICK!" I wonder how small he thinks baby giraffes are when they're born. Perhaps gerbil-sized?

Okay, enough about the baby giraffe already. Just kidding! There's more! Here it is drinking out of the giraffe water contraption:

And here it is with its mama:

And here's a video of it:

And here I am hugging it, and here I am feeding it, and here I am riding it, and here it is in the back of the Mazda......

And here's a picture of me and Jon at the zoo; Not because it has anything to do with baby giraffes, just because it's a cute picture. The end.

Canada!

Finally. Our trip to Canada. Last week we were able to spend several days with Jon's entire family in Alberta one last time before we leave the country. We camped in Waterton Lakes National Park for the first part of the week, then spent a few days at Jon's parents' house in Lethbridge for the remainder of our time there. Apostrophes are the best.

Pearl, just hanging out in a camping chair.

Pearl, just sharpening her teeth on a stick.

Jon reading to Norah.

Waterton Lake. Jealous?

Jon skipping rocks. He could go pro.

Left to right: Glen, Darcy (and Pearl), Jon

Aaaand the cake we got for Kelsey and Shauna: Happy Birtday, indeed.

I ended up driving home with Jake and Kelsey while Jon stayed an extra two days. All things considered, it was a great trip.

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It's important that you know that on our way back to the US, maybe an hour outside of Lethbridge, we saw what at first appeared to be two big dogs crossing the highway in front of us. It wasn't until we got closer that we realized it was a yellow lab and a huge black pig, side by side, making a break for it. That has never happened.

my sister gave birth to a human being

Her name is Ada.

(Kyle's blog)

There's always next year!

I'm working on a Canada recap post, but this just happened and I have to write about it. Penny had a haircut today in Idaho Falls, and on our way back my mom stopped in Rexburg at the college for a few minutes. Since we had Penny with us, I took her out of the car and we sat under a shade tree to wait. Meanwhile, EFY students came spilling out of the building across the way, apparently for a break between classes. A group of two girls and two boys cut across the lawn and passed right by us; The girls disintegrated into squeals of delight when they saw Penny and they all came over to give her a pat. Afterwards, as his friends turned away and set off again across the lawn, one of the boys (no older than 14) said to me in a tone of amazement mingled with disappointment, "I didn't know we were allowed to bring dogs!"

So I was all, "Technically we're not supposed to, but my dad made some calls."

Just kiddding, I didn't say that. But I wish I had. :-(

Texting, Episode V

I know, I know, I should be updating about our trip to Canada and all considering I've been home since Sunday, but Jon stayed a couple of extra days and he's got the camera, so you'll just have to deal with another one of THESE in the meantime.

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So [my husband's] coworker saw a cat in a Baby Bjorn. And it's the best thing I've ever heard. Ever.

Just had a kosher eggroll with pastrami in it. Pastrami! Do you see what I have to deal with??

[My baby] eats the toilet paper roll so I put it on the sink out of reach. ...Sure wish I could reach the toilet paper right about now :/

Majorly freaking out. We found a bedbug in our living room last night. I cannot deal with those again.

And no picture. She was right up against the placenta, licking it.

Ya that's gay. And it turns out I'm retarded.

We are at the most ghetto Mexican diner right now. I'm going to get swine flu just being here.

[My husband] just stalked/followed me around the house imitating Scott the blind guy from Idol. His eyes and mouth lolling. We're gonna burn...oh no.

Really nice. A weird cat lady in shlubby clothes. Cats on her license plate, etc. She's hardcore.

Stop counting fat kids already.

I saw a Boston terrier at the pet store today and almost wanted to buy it/steal it in my bra.

Are you using your AOL email account now? Check out what I just sent you. The baby to the far right and then the same one a few pics down. I can't stop laughing.

[two minutes later] Seriously. Cannot stop.

[seven minutes later] I feel bad now. Apparently he was a miracle baby. I'm going to hell.

bff

It's been a great couple of weeks here in Idaho - visiting family, eating yummy food, watching movies, etc. Penny and Gunner are tolerant of each other for 80 percent of the time, which is better than the first couple of days. Though Gunner would still forcibly paw Penny into the ground at any given moment if we didn't keep a constant eye on them. Here's the problem: Gunner is crazy, so Penny always ends up a barking mess every time he tries to play with her. Sometimes Penny forgets herself and tries to stir the pot a little, too. They're both just sort of dumb, I guess.

This is the closest I could get them together for a photo. Jon saw this picture and started singing "Now let me tell ya 'bout my best friend..."

Her face says it all.

Jon's sister Kelsey lives in Rexburg and we've gone down to visit with her, her baby girl Norah, and her husband a couple of times. (Ignore the fact that my camera seems to be incapable of focusing on the right subject. It was the cheapest one we could find. Four years ago.)

Annie and Steve came up from Utah for the weekend. We all went to see Harry Potter on Saturday morning. Luckily we got there an hour early; otherwise we might never have gotten seats.

The movie was great. We all loved it.

That same day, we all went through a session at the Rexburg temple. Directly afterwards we got lunch at Quiznos followed closely by dessert at Coldstone. When my dad ordered mocha ice cream, the girl looked at his suit and tie and asked, "Do you know it's made from real coffee?" ONLY. IN. REXBURG!!!!

Yesterday we had a fun picnic at Rigby Lake. Penny became a pro swimmer, it was sooooooo cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute.

That catches you all up to speed. Now, to conclude, brace yourselves for the best movie of the year:

PS - My old babysitter is coming over for dinner. As the often retold story goes, she was washing dishes after we were all supposed to be in bed when I came sneaking out of my room and bit her on the butt. Surprise!

Yes.

I do realize that I'm most likely the last person on earth to experience Photo Booth, but knowing my propensity for taking ugly pictures of myself, I'm sure you can imagine how much fun I had with it. For about three hours. Over a span of several days. Enjoy.

(obviously my favorite)

hot mess

We made it. After about 20 miserable hours in the un-air-conditioned Mazda, we finally pulled into my parent's driveway on Wednesday. Penny and Gunner were introduced. Gunner thinks Penny is a furry delight that he'd like to carry around in his mouth. Penny, understandably, is not okay with that. We spent one day in Idaho before turning around and driving back to Salt Lake (this time with AC) to pick up our belongings. Within 24 hours, we were back unloading them into my parent's garage, and subsequently their basement. That was yesterday. Today we're just trying to relax in between breaking up dog fights. Jon's nursing a sore back. My mom is asleep. It's been a tiring few days, but I finally have a moment to catch my blog up to date, so there it is.

One last thing. The man conducting Sacrament meeting today read a message from the stake presidency pertaining to seating at the upcoming community production of 'Seussical the Musical'. I looked around to see if anyone else thought it was odd, but I think I was on my own.

Wednesday Blip

Two things:

1) Jon sneezed in Best Buy on Saturday and his gum came flying out of his mouth. It skipped across the floor a couple of times before coming to a stop. Some chick looked at it, then at Jon, in sheer disgust. He plucked it off the carpet and threw it in a nearby trash can. I laughed for an hour.

2) SOMEONE PLEASE PUT A STOP TO THIS TREND BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE



[Pictures redacted cuz I read an article about someone being fined for posting images without consent, and I most certainly didn't ask the photographers for consent, and I don't wanna get fined. They were images of self-indulgent shirtless dads holding their newborns and I DO NOT APPROVE.]

Uhhhh........I'm appalled.

nearly gone

Our time in Tucson is winding down. The apartment is almost completely packed (the boxes are driving me nuts), and I’m getting sad to leave the office. It feels sort of like the last day of school, but with less signing-of-yearbooks and smearing-of-desks-with-shaving-cream. Granted, I still have another week, but I’ll be displaced from my workspace when the new girl starts on Monday, and things just won’t be the same I’m afraid. I’m pretty sure I’ve complained to most of you about my job (or should I say, complained about PEOPLE I’ve had to work with), but I’ve got to admit that the past two and a half years I’ve spent in this office have been good ones, and this experience will be hard to leave behind.

Which is not to say I haven’t had my fair share of things put on my plate that NO ONE should ever have to deal with. The most recent of these trials cannot be put delicately, so I’m just going to come right out and say it: a human took a dump in our parking lot. The culprit gave their species away by leaving a stash of toilet paper nearby. Poor Darren had no idea it was lurking there in his assigned spot, and ran it right over one Monday morning about six weeks ago. As the office administrator, and liaison for building maintenance, it was up to me to handle the situation. An uncomfortable phone call to the landlord later (“uh, a human took a dump in our parking lot, please send someone to clean it up”), and I figured it had been taken care of. They sent a cleaning crew, who subsequently billed us for the work, so I assumed it was done. It wasn’t until a month later that poor Vince, whose assigned spot is directly next to Darren’s, carefully brought up the issue with me that it had never been cleaned up. WHAT!!!? Another uncomfortable phone call was placed to the landlord, who was very apologetic and assured me that it would definitely be taken care of the next morning. I gave him the exact parking spot number, all of which are clearly marked, before hanging up the phone.

Next morning, I learned from the landlord’s assistant that the cleaning crew had arrived bright and early only to search the entire parking lot in vain before giving up and leaving to another job site. “Are you sure it’s really there? Have you seen it with your own eyes?” she asked.

Now. I’m a fairly patient person at work, but by this point I was fuming. FINE I told her, I WILL GO OUT TO THE PARKING LOT MYSELF TO GET A GOOD LOOK AT THE POO AND CALL YOU BACK. I marched outside, went directly to Darren’s spot, looked at the poo (which, though partially flattened and sunbaked, was still VERY visible), then promptly called the landlord’s assistant back to let her know I’d seen it with my own eyes, and that it was EXACTLY where I’d told her it would be. Apologetic again, I was told the cleaning crew would be dispatched one third and final time to clean it up. BUT, she asked, would you be so kind as to meet them in the parking lot and point them in the right direction? (AAAAARRRRGH)

An hour and a half later, I angrily stomped the cleaning crew supervisor to within a two-foot radius of the filth, POINTED AT IT, and made sure to remark aloud that it was just exactly where I had described it to be. AND YOU WONDER WHY IT’S YOUR JOB TO CLEAN HUMAN FECES OUT OF PARKING LOTS. Dishonest people make me mad.

Anyway, I guess stuff like that kept things interesting here. Human poo in parking lots is the spice of life. Didn’t someone say that once? I can’t be the first person to make that statement. And that wasn’t the only crazy thing I’ve had to deal with since taking this job, though, admittedly, was probably the most outrageous. There was also the drive-by shooting, that one lady that was being beaten by her spouse in our parking lot, and a full-blown cop stake-out in our downstairs conference room (they were watching the dumpster, which had been filled to the brim the night before with drug paraphernalia. As if the perpetrators were going to return in broad daylight the very next day, just to have another fond look at the garbage they left!! Silly cops, having to feel like they’re doing something all the time).

I digress. What I was trying to say is that, though there have been some crazy times, I’m feeling a little sad as I pack up my desk. Most of my belongings here at work are now sitting in a cardboard box in an empty office. The rest are in the fridge, calling my name.

Wish us luck this weekend – it’s going to be a busy one.

TODAY IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

...Please don't ruin this moment for me with suggestions like "assistant to his publicist's assistant", or "Twitter robots", or what-have-you.

It's not you, it's me

During my most recent trip to Salt Lake, the topic of my vomit phobia somehow came up. It’s something my family has always understood about me (as much as someone can “understand” an irrational fear, I suppose), but Annie’s husband Steve had a hard time wrapping his mind around it. It’s something that’s incredibly hard to explain, since it’s not like anyone ENJOYS the sound of someone throwing up, or the smell, or what have you. Like, I’ll mention “I’m terrified of vomit” and the well-meaning person on the other end of the conversation enthusiastically cuts in, “OMG, me TOO! I HATE throwing up or seeing someone throw up!” No, you don’t understand, I AM TERRIFIED OF VOMIT.

My typical anti-retch line of defense is to run. If I’m in a situation where I can’t run, I slide to the floor with my hands clamped to my ears, squeeze my eyes shut, and sweat profusely. I woke up once to the sound of Jon sick in the bathroom a few years back, and when he finally emerged he found me in a ball on the kitchen floor. It startled me half to death when he gently touched my shoulder to snap me out of it. And it doesn’t matter who is around. The fear grips me and the reaction is always the same. Much to the amusement of my friends, I once ended up halfway underneath the back seat of my friend Christa’s Jeep in high school when a group of us encountered a sick man in the McDonald’s drive through. THIS IS NOT NORMAL.

But like I said, if at all possible, I run. Like the time my mom and I carried a deathly ill Annie to the truck for emergency care and I took off the second she threatened to throw up. Unfortunately, the moment occurred when Annie was only stuffed halfway inside the vehicle. In sprinting away, I left my poor mother attempting to simultaneously rescue the precariously positioned invalid from sliding out of the truck and desperately prepare a plastic bag for...you know. Catching. Stuff.

Sorry mom. Sorry Annie.

Or that one time during youth conference when, right in middle of someone’s testimony, a panic-stricken 16 year old stood up in the middle of the chapel and shouted “Is there a doctor here?? Is there a DOCTOR??” I was sitting in the very back row and I was OUTTA THERE. Regrettably, my choice of footwear didn’t make for a subtle getaway. It was silent as the shocked congregation stared at him, mouths agape, but wait, what’s that noise? Flip-flop-flip-flop-flip-flop, there goes Jessie, sprinting out of the building. A friend told me afterwards that she was so impressed that my first reaction had been to run and call an ambulance. AN AMBULANCE! Nope, just looking out for Number One. That’s me. And as it turned out, he was having an asthma attack, not preparing to projectile vomit all over the house of the Lord.

Anyway, this is my life-long predicament. A prevailing fear of vomit. The implications for the future freak me out a little, I won’t lie. For example, what will happen when I have kids? From what I’ve heard, kids throw up constantly. Non-stop. And what about when a stranger is violently ill while also bleeding to death, and I’m the only person to apply pressure to their wound?? What then? Will I be able to handle it??

These are questions I do not have the answers to. I guess I’ll cross those bridges when I get there. In the meantime, please give me at least a twenty second head start if you’re feeling queasy. Kthxbai.