Amelioration

The theme of my summer has been 'self-improvement', or at least I will say that for blogging purposes.

First, piano. My mom is an accomplished musician and has taught piano lessons for as long as I can remember. I never took advantage of her skills (something to do with not handling criticism well and being easily frustrated) so I taught myself instead, which is not recommended. I ended up like one of those kids who never quite learned how to read in elementary school. The ones who slipped through the cracks by fooling everyone into thinking they knew how. While I was playing upper-intermediate music, I had no idea what I was doing. My finger placement was all wrong, because I never paid any attention to where my fingers were actually supposed to go in order to play more efficiently. And I am a great memorizer and player-by-ear. These things combined were my downfall, because I couldn't play a piece unless I'd heard it before (sight reading was nearly out of the question), and once I'd played a piece a couple of times, I knew it by memory and therefore never became as familiar with the actual notes on the scale like I should have. I hit a wall. I couldn't advance. So in addition to scanning our family's archives, re-learning how to play the piano is my priority this summer. This time, my mom is teaching me.

Crafting. Okay, not really, that was misleading. But I AM doing A craft. I can't show you until it's all finished, but just know that I am very excited about it. When I bought my materials at Joann's fabric, the cashier girl asked me if I wanted to set up a rewards account. I told her that this is the only craft I'll ever do in my life. I am just not that sort of person. Pictures soon.

My skin. I am a mutant. I never had acne until a couple of years ago. Something finally had to be done. When I went in for my eye thing, I asked the PA to please, for the love of all that is good and holy, help me. He gave me a prescription-sized sample of some acne thing, incorrect verbal instructions for use, and sent me on my way. After three weeks with absolutely no results, I poked around online and realized his mistake. I then created a skin-care plan in my iPhone (lots of water, lots of moisturizer, etc etc). Now, a couple of weeks later, I'd love to say my skin is beautiful, but it's not. It didn't help that Jon made me discontinue use of my prescription when he saw the chemical burns it had caused around my jawline. Wtf, Epiduo. Wtf.

Driving. I hate driving, and I never drive by myself, but I wanted to spend a few days at Annie's before flying to Tucson out of Salt Lake so I decided it would build character to do the 5-hour drive (versus riding the shuttle). That was only the second time in my entire life I've ever driven that far on my own. It was not fun.

Hair. I never do ANYTHING with my hair other than wear it down and straightened. I've wanted to recreate this hairstyle and this hairstyle ever since I first laid eyes on them, but I am not talented enough to do it on my own hair (do not let that second one fool you. It is NOT a five minute hairstyle you can easily do to yourself). So I experimented on Annie, of course.

They turned out great (well, the one more than the other), but it only made me sad that I can't wear my own hair like that. At least not until I buy that hair slave I've been saving up for.

Riding a mountain bike. It was my first time, and so much fun despite my resulting poor aching bum. My brother-in-law Steve even lent me his own personal padded bike panties, and still. Pain. But it was a beautiful ride through the Provo canyon and I loved almost every second of it.

Bridal Veil Falls (is there a waterfall in North America NOT called Bridal Veil Falls?)




As you can see from the pictures, I've also lately been improving upon my time ever spent wearing neon. Which is to say, I've never previously worn neon, and now apparently I do. I bought that shirt off the clearance rack at Old Navy specifically with this bike ride in mind, but I have to fight the urge to wear it daily.

Taking photos in the auto mode of my point and shoot camera. What a skill! Annie and Steve wanted a few pictures on campus in honor of his BYU graduation, and I happily obliged.

We specifically chose this BYU sign because the slogan at the bottom, "Enter to learn, go forth to serve" was much better than the slogan on the OTHER sign, "The world is our campus". ("More like 'The campus is our world'" --Annie.)


My best friend Christa was there, too, which of course resulted in Annie and Steve being able to improve upon THEIR photo-taking-with-a-point-and-shoot-camera skills.

kthxbai

Tucson :)

I love Tucson, and I am not ashamed. Call it whatever you want - America's b-hole, where dreams go to die, whatever. Doesn't hurt my feelings. It's a great city, so long as you stick to the good parts. As soon as I knew that I was for sure going to be meeting Jon there, I was little-kid-excited. Since we only had a day and a half to spend, I planned out each hour weeks in advance. Spoiler alert - it all revolved around food.

First stop: Frost Gelato.


This is the best gelato on earth. No, I have not eaten at every gelato place on earth, but I don't have to. This is the best. Just look at it.



My usual - half coconut, half strawberry yogurt.

I was really happy to be there, okay??
Next stop, BK's for Sonoran hotdogs. I've discussed these before on my blog to a credulous audience. Believe me when I say they will change your life. (I had never even heard of them before moving to Tucson, but I've not surprisingly seen them cropping up all over the place since. They could be a new food trend. Keep your eyes peeled, and your heart open.)


I meant to take a picture when the food first arrived, but then I was too busy gorging myself. It was hard to pause even for this shot partway through.

More miscellaneous Tucson pictures:


Reunited! Jon was sooo tired from his review course, poor guy. And why yes, that IS a covered wagon behind us. This was taken after dinner at Pinnacle Peak, a tacky restaurant in this Wild West town replica built as a movie set. We go for the filet mignon. Best steak ever.

Slap bracelet! Instant flashback to roller rinks circa 1990.

I thought this was awesome (though, admittedly, not awesome enough to actually purchase).

Dr. Seuss-ish plant (taken at the fancy mall, where we may or may not have stopped on our way out of town for another helping of gelato).

That's one big apple fritter. This was another necessary stop - Wheel Donuts. Best donuts on earth, in Tucson, AZ. Who would have ever thought?? At my old job as an office assistant at an engineering firm, my decision of which company to use for our blueprinting was directly correlated to who most frequently brought me these donuts. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. Speaking of! Mixed in here somewhere was a visit to my old office and lunch with (most of) my favorite coworkers. I love love loved that office and still sometimes have dreams that we moved to Tucson and I miraculously got my old job back. Nerd! Anyway, it was so much fun to see everyone. Even the ones I didn't miss.

Over too soon :( Some pictures from our long drive back:






Last thing. Our final gas stop (in Tremonton, Utah, not like you asked), I noticed something stuck to Jon's back:

A giant fly. And the best part is, it wasn't dead, or even hurt. Its wings were just stuck. I brushed it off and it flew away.

It's over!

on the road

You may very well be wondering where I've been, and I will tell you. I spent about five days in Heber, Utah at my sister Annie's house. Then Jon finished his review course in Galveston and I flew down and met him in Tucson where we spent one and a half glorious days before beginning the long drive back. Our Jeep, the retrieval of which was the sole purpose of our trip, fired right up like a champ and gave us no problems despite having not been driven for two years.

It seemed like we had a few good reasons for leaving it there with Jon's friend prior to our Statia adventure, but now I can't remember the exact circumstances. I remember not wanting to drive separate vehicles, and I remember thinking it would never make the journey, so why we didn't just sell it is beyond me. But we didn't, and it survived all 18 hours of the drive, and now we don't have to buy another car, so I suppose it all worked out.

My suspicion of it not making it to Idaho wasn't unfounded. I wrecked it about four years ago and the mechanic who came to the scene of the accident suggested that I not even drive it home that night. We've since put about four thousand miles and zero dollars of repairs into it. Aside from a nasty crunch over the passenger side wheel well, and aside from a ruined undercarriage, an upside-down steering wheel, and the near inability to make right-hand turns, it's practically brand-new!

I was especially worried about a possible break-down back then because we were traveling through the desert in the middle of summer with Penny. So it was decided that we'd take the more reliable car only and return for the Jeep without a furry dog that gets panicky and desperate when overheated, just in case we wound up on the side of the blacktop road in 112 degree weather. For all the good my well-meaning thoughts did her. During that trip up two years ago (sans Jeep), I was so concerned about her being unairconditioned that I built her something of a cold bed. It involved a bag of hotel vending machine ice covered with a few towels in her crate. After a couple of hours of driving and me worrying if she was going to get heatstroke, I looked back and made eye contact with a sad canine shivering uncontrollably. Worst owner ever. The ice went out the window. She survived.

Oh gosh there's so much more to say, not to mention pictures to post, but this has already gotten out of hand and it's far past my bedtime. Who invented 9:00 church, anyway???

More soon, I promise.

Overkill

I'm going to eventually be posting a series of childhood pictures on here, but each time I start to make a list of which ones, I decide to delay. I still haven't scanned everything, and how can I even start organizing them on here until all the ones I want are available? So in the meantime here is just one of Annie, unmissable there on the left in an abundant parka, trying her best to fool everyone into thinking it was 150 degrees below zero in front of this glacier:

It kicks

My dad: Are you ready to go yet?

Me: Yeah. Do you have to close your eye to shoot a pistol?

My dad: Sort of.

Me: Okay, so I need to bring tape. Wait - does it matter WHICH eye?

My dad: Not really.

Me: Never mind, then.

Taken a millisecond after my tentative first shot - you can see the casing flying away, or whatever that thing is called. I know next to nothing about guns. And everything I know about gun safety is what I know about scissors-safety....no one can get hurt if you point it at the ground away from your feet and walk carefully.

(Yes, I'm wearing a plaid flannel shirt with a velvet blazer. Deal with it.)

kthxbai

You are NOT the baby's father

My plan for my next post was to put up the best of the family photos I've uncovered so far in my summer project. But then something happened!

To begin, I watched Ricki Lake's eye-opening documentary "The Business of Being Born" on instant Netflix and then posted this to Twitter:

The next morning, here's the long view of my update:

Wait!! What's that there at the bottom??

It couldn't possibly be that Ricki Lake, THE Ricki Lake, as in, "Hi my name is Jessie Sweet, I'm 11 years old and I watch the Ricki Lake Show when my parents aren't home" reposted MY update for all 45,688 of her followers to see.

Awesome. This is even better than when Cesar Millan, or at least his assistant, reminded me to stay calm and assertive. And I thought NOTHING would ever top THAT.

In conclusion, because it's bound to come up, NO. I'm not pregnant. Can't a girl just watch a movie on the maternity care industry without raising all sorts of suspicions??

Aftermath

It's been fun tracking my names post all over the internet these past few weeks. Although it was tweeted a couple dozen times, I was surprised that the majority of my traffic was coming from Facebook and email. Then my brother-in-law, Kyle, introduced me to Backtype.com, where you can (sort of) track what's happening with your content (specifically, how it's being shared). A membership is required for more intensive analysis, of course, but here is a summary of the social impact of my post:

Quite a few more blogs this year picked up on it, too, and a couple of forums, so it's been interesting reading the resulting discussions on those sites. Something that has come up a few times in those conversations, though, is that this is not exclusively a Utah/Idaho phenomenon. Which, of course, I'm aware of. I'm pretty sure that at no point in my series have I said, "NO ONE OUTSIDE OF UTAH OR IDAHO has ever named their kid something weird or made-up". Obviously celebrities proliferate the epidemic, as well, and it's spreading. But these sorts of names - the ones I include in my lists each year, the ones with weird spellings, multiple capitalizations, and flagrant misuse of the letter Y - ARE a Utah/Idaho thing. Not EXCLUSIVELY, mind you. But the weird names thing is a part of the culture in this area, and has been for decades. It isn't a recent development by any means. My Utah school-teacher aunts and uncles have been complaining about awful kid's names during the course of their entire careers. And I'm far from the first person to remark on it - it would appear that this site has been cataloguing names heard in Utah since the birth of the internet (and if it hasn't been then I don't know WHAT their excuse is for the horrendous layout). And this is one of my favorite Snide Remarks columns of all time.

Anyway, I'm getting off track. The point is, I got to thinking about whether or not Utah and surrounding areas really were the originators of the terrible naming thing, and wondering if there was possibly a way to geographically track name trends, when I found THIS portion of the Babynamewizard website. A godsend! I subsequently spent an hour plugging in names from all four installments of my series as well as any others I could think of off the top of my head that might possibly have ever been popular enough for the site to have stats on, and was pleased when name after name, my theory was proven right. Not for EVERY name that went in, of course, but for enough of them to indicate that Utah and surrounding areas ARE trendsetters in the awful baby name trend.

People from Utah and Idaho are saying, "Duh. We knew that."

Some examples:

Jaxon

 

 

Easton

 

 

Brinley

 

 

Ryker

 

 

Braxton

 

 

Braden

Others that also showed up in Utah before anywhere else include McKenna, Madison (both included in my search because of the strong backlash towards them), Paisley, and Ashlee.

A note on the much-maligned 'Jayden'. It would appear that a handful of Jaydens were born in North Dakota back in '89-'91. It then disappeared from the map until cropping up again in '94 in both North Dakota and, you guessed it, Utah. Interestingly enough, the Dakotas seem to be the second-and-third-most-trendsettingest states when it comes to names...at least when it comes to the sorts of names I was searching for.

So pray for those children, too.

This may be the cutest thing you hear all day

My mom and I were preparing to leave the house - putting the dogs in their crates, turning off lights and music, etc - when the following conversation took place about the iPod:

Me: Can I leave it on the dock?

My mom: Yeah! I do that sometimes. I think they like it.

Me: Huh?

My mom: ...Didn't you say, "Can I leave it on for the dogs?"

Pom gone wrong

This dog was in the car next to me in the Valley Wide ranch supply parking lot. When I first saw it, I laughed for a minute straight, took a deep breath, then laughed again.

verbatim

I've made it my summer project to go through all my parent's dusty archives to digitize the best photos and whatever else I happen to run across. Today that included a journal my mom thought had been lost forever in their move to Idaho, but that had really only been lost to the bottom of a pile in the back corner of an annually opened drawer. It's a notebook filled with funny quotes from us kids. A little part of me died the day that my mom confessed she feared it would never be found, so imagine BOTH of our delights when I unearthed it!!

I know that, with very few exceptions, these sorts of things are at best boring and at worst irksome to everyone on the outside. No one else thinks your kids (or in this case, you and your siblings as kids) are as awesome as you do - something I hope to remember (but know that I won't) when I have kids of my own. BUT. I picked out the best from the journal and I'm 20% certain that at least some of these can be enjoyed by people outside of my immediate family.

(Oh gosh, I'm about to digress. Here comes the digression. I can't stop it. A few years back our friends, new parents, took their son to the pediatrician for his six-month check-up. The husband started explaining that his boy seemed to be developing ahead of the curve when the irritated doctor interrupted, "Blah blah blah, your kid is a genius, your kid is the best, I've heard it all a thousand times before". Of course, my initial reaction when they told me that story was OMG WORST PEDIATRICIAN EVER, but my secondary, inward reaction was that I wanted to shake that man's hand, and possibly be his friend.)

Okay. So. My favorites. I've typed these up exactly how my mom wrote them down at the time (she's a good writer! I never knew!):

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jacob is really looking forward to the arrival of our new baby. One evening he felt it kicking inside mommy's tummy and was concerned that it was hurting her. I told him it didn't hurt now but that later it would be big enough to kick my ribs and that would hurt a little. 'Will it get sauce on its feet?' he asked! (age 3)

Jake painted some pictures one day. Mom picked one up and said, "That's cute." "I know," said Jake, "it's me!"

We were returning home from Rothenburg after seeing the Kriminal Haus and all the strange punishments they used to inflict when Corinne started in on one of her famous disturbances. Jake remarked casually, "It's too bad they don't still burn witches."

Corinne was talking to mommy. "Turn around, mom, turn around! Nice bum, mom!" (age 2)

Corinne asked Jake if he wanted to go "teeting on the totter."

Corinne declared, "I'm a good helper, but I'm not helping with Annie's stuff!"

One of our neighbors was smoking. When Corinne saw him she commented, "He must not be a human." (Mormon)

"Did you see my medicine? It's all purpled up." Jess age 2

Mom and Dad were spending one of those rare leisurely mornings in bed when Jessica came in. She demanded, "Dad! Let Mom go!"

Annie asked Dad if he had a mustache when he was a baby. (age 4)

We found it necessary to have a Family Home Evening on respecting others' property. We called people who didn't "Gadianton robbers." The first time Jess was accused she said, "I'm not an idiot robber!"

During hunting season 1989 Annie asked, "Does Dad collect deer?" (age 6)

Annie was eating something she didn't like. "It tastes like raw dragon," she said.

Greg Hopkins' mother was coming to visit from Texas. The children were asking what she was like. I told them she was really nice. Annie asked, "Does she give rides?"

Jessica was having a hard time staying in bed one night. Mom said she might end up with a spanking if she got out again. Jessie said, "Don't you know Heavenly Father doesn't like you to spank your children?" "I'm sure you're right," said mom, "what could I do to get you to mind me?" Jessie said, "Just tell me what to do and I'll do it."

[Aaaaand my personal favorite:]

Jessie started making a racket when told she couldn't go somewhere. Mom said, "Cryers don't get to do anything." "I'm not crying, I'm screaming" said Jessie.

10 things

1) I can do this with my tongue:

I can also turn my legs and arms almost all the way around, but I won’t post pictures of those for fear that I’d lose my entire readership.

2) I’m awesome on a pogo stick (at least I used to be as a kid, and I assume it’s sort of like riding a bike). When first realized I could pogo with NO HANDS, I spent the better part of a morning counting how many times in a row I could bounce like that, which was a terrible idea. After over 300, I realized the insides of my legs were being rubbed raw. Couldn’t wear jeans for a week.

3) I have crazy old man eyebrows. They’re thin and sparse, but the hairs that DO grow are champions and require constant trimming. I once asked a hairdresser to please trim them at the end of a haircut, and she eyed me like a carcass. When pressed, she admitted that they usually only did that for men.

4) I’ve never had a nosebleed or been stung by a bee. The latter sort of makes me nervous – how do I know I’m not deathly allergic? What if I SHOULD be carrying an EpiPen on me at all times??

5) My “I once found something gross in my food” story trumps yours. Brace yourselves. My senior year of high school I was unsuspectingly eating a Dairy Queen ice cream sundae, minding my own business, when I fished a BIG HAIRY SCAB out of my mouth.

6) My grandpa has hammertoe and my sisters both have it in varying degrees. This was always a great source of amusement to me, until last year when Jon noticed one of my OWN toes beginning to hammer. NOOooOOoOOoooo!!!!

7) I have trouble with distinguishing blues and purples. I think certain shades of blue are purple, and vice versa. I finally asked my eye doctor what was up and he ran some color-blindness tests by me, only to conclude that it has nothing to do with my actual eye – it’s a perception issue. Meaning I just learned those colors wrong. Thanks a LOT, mom.

8) My parents never owned a video camera. As a result, there is ONE existing family video of us kids, taken by my uncle. Maybe one day I’ll A) find that video, and B) have it converted to digital.

9) When getting my pre-Kindegarten thigh shots, I flinched. The needle stabbed me twice and must have hit a nerve or something, because for a week afterwards I had to drag my poor bum-leg along behind me like a gimp. Would have been a great time to own a video camera.

10) I think there are maybe four people in the world that know this last one about me. There was ONE TIME in my ENTIRE LIFE that I EVER kissed a guy I didn’t know well, and I learned from a friend shortly thereafter that he was MISSING FOUR FINGERS ON ONE HAND. My advice to everyone is to NEVER kiss someone unless you’ve counted all their fingers, because it could end up that they’re missing several fingers.

Thanks, Doc

Well I guess technically he was a PA. But my eye! It's doing GREAT! I almost look like a human again. I actually can't believe how quickly it healed. When I first saw myself afterwards, I thought I would never be the same.

The sting of looking like a sideshow for a few days was lessened by the arrival of new shoes and visits to the local cheap theater. Rango was REALLY good, and everyone needs a pair of these:

They were out of the box for NINETY SECONDS before I took this picture, and I count no less than five Gunner hairs on them.
Best part was the free shipping both ways from Piperlime! No, they did not pay me to say that!

A quick recap of our past couple of weeks:

My mom lunging her horse. I'll probably ride him once the temperature breaks 60 in Idaho. IT'S MAY.

Penny and me on a walk.

So what if her eyes point in different directions?

Sunset photo a la Jon

Speaking of that guy. On the 4th my mom and I drove him down to Utah so he could catch his flight to Texas. The night before he left, my grandma Sweetie took us all to dinner at this incredible place called Market Grill. It was pretty much to die for. I got swordfish, and it's been running around in my mind ever since.





Then, early the next morning, Jon was on his way to Galveston :( The good news is that his review course is less than 30 days, then I fly to meet him in Tucson! Bought my flight and everything. Now we just have to pray that the Jeep starts, otherwise it's a long walk back to Idaho.

To soften the blow of me losing my husband for four weeks (or maybe just because my mom got a killer Groupon), she and I and Annie all went and got massages that afternoon. It was glorious. Other things we've done, in chronological order:

• Had frozen yogurt
• Saw Jane Eyre (SO good, but don't see it unless/until you've read the book! Preferably twice in the last year, like me)
• Drove to Annie's place in Heber
• Ate cinnamon rolls
• Went to Whole Foods in Park City
• Hit the outlets
• This was just me - Bought a black dress and dandelion-colored ankle-skimming pants that I could not be more excited about
• This was just Annie - Bought SKINNY JEANS!! Her first pair!! ABOUT TIME.

And that's about it. My mom and I head back to Idaho tomorrow. I feel like a vagrant.

In conclusion, I know I haven't actually WRITTEN something in a while. Don't give up on me! I've just been busy! Let's hang out!

SIL

I am NOT a photographer, but I got lucky with this picture I snapped of Lianna a couple of weeks before I left Statia. I love love love love LOVE LOVE how it turned out. I like to stare at it while holding a seashell to my ear. Just kidding, I've never done that. Yet.

Fun with screen capture

This is not a post about the many reasons why I'm a PC person over a Mac person, even though that IS the case, and the reasons are numerous. This is a post about one of two features I prefer on a Mac - their awesome option for screen capture.

On a PC, the best way I ever figured out (and that doesn't necessarily mean it's the best way, period) was to hit the printscreen button, open some sort of photo program, paste the picture in there, then trim it down to the area I originally wanted. But on a Mac, you press Command+Shift+4, then you can essentially take a snapshot of whatever part of the screen you want. The best part is that the resulting image goes straight to your desktop.

As a result, I've accumulated a few screen captures that are polluting said desktop, so I figured I'd throw them on the old blog so I can delete them.

First, an old Facebook conversation I came across the other day:


And a message I sent to Annie, lover of birds:


Next, the prompts that popped up during a recent Google search (the edits are mine, of course):


Here's an old one - the top Yahoo headline the day after Petraeus took over:

(Maybe that one requires a grammar/usage lesson. "Myriad of" is wrong, 100% of the time. "Myriad" should replace a phrase like, "a thousand" or "a million". For example, if you're saying, "There are a million reasons to spell your child's name correctly", you would replace "a million" with the word "myriad." NOT "a myriad of" - JUST "myriad". There are myriad reasons to spell your child's name correctly.)

And on the topic of grammar and usage, something I came across on a blog:

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......wrong on all accounts.