Every year I worry that Southeastern Idaho won't supply an ample list of truly horrendous baby names for my annual post, but it always delivers! Case in point, the anthology:
And last year was no different. LET'S JUMP RIGHT IN. Here are the best of the worst names published in the "Born in 2011" newspaper insert for the Rexburg area (thanks again to my mom for mailing it!):
Up first, as always, is the Mix-N-Match category. Choose a first syllable that suits your fancy and pair it with an incompatible second syllable! It keeps people guessing! Everyone will admire your ability to string together random sounds!
and THREE babies named Brynlie (same exact spelling)
Next, the Sound-it-Outs. Do these resemble real names (or cities) phonetically? You'll have to sound-it-out, and sometimes bend pronunciation rules, to see!
Ella Jaculyn (Jack-ewe-lynn?)
Invasion of the Ks (continued from last year):
Her mom's a 'Bachelor' fan!
Tenley/Tenely (yep, two)
Hopefully just a typo:
Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose:
Riggins (middle name Klyde)
Aaaaaaaand, the "What the EFF??????s"
Blyss (AGAIN!! There was a Blyss last year! People really ARE looking for name ideas in this thing!!!)
And let's have a moment of silence for the little baby boy named Boen. BOEN!
(Do you suppose it's pronounced 'Bowen'? Do you think kids on the playground, and in college, and by the water cooler will actually pronounce it that way?)
Point 1: One of my favorite parts of doing this each year are the anonymous comments I get from disappointed people outing their friends and family members as terrible namers. Keep doing that.
Point 2: I just thought of a possible inherent perk of invented naming - in five years, when little Razdyn wonders the meaning of his name, his mom gets to make THAT up, too!
Point 3: I feel sorry for the grandparents. A few months ago I sat in front of an older woman on a flight who was cheerfully explaining to her seatmate that she was on her way to visit her new grandson. When the lady asked what the sweet little dear's name was, the grandma clammed up and replied reservedly, "Slate." To some degree, his name diminished her joy. (It came out later that Slate was the younger sibling of Crimson, Indigo, and Sage.)
Point 4: Each name is accompanied by a photo of the poor child, and you've never seen more crocheted owl hats in your entire life. My mom included a note urging me to seek out "the baby with a giant lavendar cabbage on its head" and I think I found it: