Texts out of Context: Episode XII

Dad picked up his own phone and said “is this your new phone?”

You’ll never guess what just happened to me! I was cleaning the basement, and I had that part from the second Harry Potter movie stuck in my head where Ron says “follow the spiders. Why couldn’t he have said follow the butterflies?” Then I saw a big ball of lint on the ground and went to grab it, and at the last second I noticed that it was a giant spider!

When I get a real phone I will be able to tell you but I can only keep like thirty messages now

I think my uterus is normal. She had a good long feel today anyway.

It was enough to gag a maggot

Jeah.

I know him! He ate with us in the Lima MTC a few times! Poor guy….guaranteed immediate diarrhea…

There’s a boy in our ward this semester named Saylor Taylor.

So it’s finals week and I went to bed at 1 and got up at 4:30 but I guess I’m still better off than the girl who just whispered “I’m so tired” to herself in the bathroom stall next to me. But I’m the one in the stall on my laptop so I guess she’s not the crazy one after all.

I agree, gargling is so scary.

I’ll be the one sleeping and/or stabbing my eyes out!

You are a taco

I thought you might want to post my picture on your fridge for a month.

Ham bonus

Just finished watching Return of the King. I just didn’t really like the plot.

It would be awesome if Jon got something for Penny to give to you

Bring the cheese

Ok. Did you have a lesson? Are you watching the weirdo Miss America pageant?

I sent you an emell.

La Bomba!!!! That’s the name of the pill they gave me my last day in Peru!!

Does it cause butt problems too

Are you 80?

I love Christa.

Ada was so cute she kept wanting to hold my weird gloved hand and kept calling them my robot hands.

Happy Thanksgiving! Hope you’re gobbling til you’re wobbling! No, this is not a mass text. It’s for you, Jessie Sweet Jensen. Just in case there was any doubt.

There was a freaking kleenex on my side of the bed you nerd

Please don’t ever tell him how much I had to touch his ween. I’m going to have permanent wiener hands.

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Your turn!!