Beat THIS

Shake Face, perfected:

I haz a husband

Jonny J, rocking the side part

On Friday night, Jon arrived home after seven weeks in Dallas. Just a few days after we moved to Phoenix, he left for a medical licensing exam review course and I've been all alone this whole time. You didn't know he was gone, because I don't know you're not a murderous psychopath. Now he's back, and I'm not lonesome anymore, and the world is lovely. We leave tomorrow for our trip to Utah for Thanksgiving/my birthday, so between that and our reunion I had a lot to look forward to these past couple weeks.

Speaking of, last night he took me to dinner at a fancy fondue place as an early birthday celebration, and I don't want to brag, but,

Swiss cheese fondue, Mediterranean crepe (with scallops, leeks, and saffron sauce), pear crepe. My taste buds were overjoyed. I love birthdays.

We'll be gone until at least Sunday. Happy Thanksgiving!!

Times I Made People Cry

It's not a long list.

The first was Amanda Wetherbee. In seventh grade, I was not very cool. I'd just moved across the country and was trying unsuccessfully to fit in to cliques that had formed when my classmates were fetuses. After a few months of eating lunch alone, I was befriended by one of the misfits groups. Luckily, these were the smart-and-wholesome-albeit-totally-socially-inept loners because let's face it; I would have pledged allegiance to anyone that wanted to sit with me during lunch.

[And I have to interject here, because I've had this quote written down for months- MONTHS- waiting for the right moment to share it, and I think this just might be it. This summer, Corinne was saying how this one girl ruined sixth grade for her, AND I QUOTE: "She stole all my friends, so I had to make friends with the goth kids because they were the only ones that would take me halfway through the year."]

My middle school cafeteria served Dominos pizza daily and I'd sit with my awkward group of misfits, all of us ripping our pizzas into bite-sized chunks and dipping them in watered-down ranch dressing. A girl named Sarah who was very nice but decidedly more socially inept than the rest of us (and that's saying a lot) had been sitting at our table for about a week when I made Amanda cry, AND SHE DESERVED IT.

Before I get to the meat of it, I need to set something straight. I'd be lying by omission if you thought I was some valiant person in middle school, always on the lookout for people to stick up for, because I was not. I was a scared, sad little bird, just trying to get through each day. But when Amanda Wetherbee, completely unprovoked, loudly asked Sarah in the most poisonous tone imaginable why she was sitting at our table when none of us liked her, something inside me snapped.

I can't quote myself verbatim, but the essence of it was that we liked Sarah!! and we HATED Amanda!!!! and SHE was the one we didn't want sitting with us!!!!!!! and there was definitely the word "walrus" in there somewhere. When I finished, I realized I'd been yelling. Everyone's mouths were open. Amanda pushed back from the table, burst into tears, and ran for the bathroom.

I was pretty sure I'd eventually be called to the principal's office, once she told her parents the horrible things I'd said, so after school I fearfully explained to my mom what had happened, and that I'd probably be in trouble, and that I was so ashamed, and that it would never happen again. She shocked me by telling me how proud she was that I'd stuck up for someone else. Up until then, it had honestly not occurred to me that I'd done the right thing.

The second incident was my junior year of high school and I can't explain the story without giving out some personal details, so sorry if it's TMI. I'll try to put it delicately. I was having some "female issues" that involved losing copious amounts of blood for months on end. When I finally told my mom, she immediately booked me with the gynecologist, who put me on birth control so that I wouldn't, you know, bleed to death. [OH MY GOSH I almost forgot! When I stepped into the lobby after my first appointment, I came face to face with the nine-months-pregnant Mia Maids advisor which resulted in one of the most uncomfortable greetings of my entire life. I'm sure she wasn't expecting to run into one of her Young Women at the gynecologist's office, and I wasn't going to tell her why, exactly, I was there. Let's just hope she gave me the benefit of the doubt.]

Anyway, there was this girl in my seminary class. We'll call her Alexa, because that was her name. She was the type of person to take a guideline from For the Strength of Youth and run it all the way to the other end of the field, then judge you against her invented standard, which is just the sort of person I have zero tolerance for. She was adamant about not kissing before marriage. KISSING. Actually, how she put it was, she could never kiss a guy before marriage any more passionately than she'd kiss her dad, which I thought was wonderfully creeptastic. Anyway, she caught wind that I was on birth control, WICKED, IMMORAL BIRTH CONTROL, and took matters into her own hands.

She confronted me in the commons between classes, and it did not end well for her. She told me that birth control was against the church and that it was sinful of me to use it. She thought she was saving my soul. I lost it on her, and I honestly do not remember a single thing that I said. I must have blacked out from rage, because I typically have a great memory. I never actually saw her cry, but she was visibly upset when I concluded, and during the next break between classes my concerned friend Andy asked me why Alexa had been sobbing after our conversation. I happily explained.

[To non-Mormon readers - the LDS church in no way opposes birth control. We're certainly a family-oriented religion, but, from the church's official website, "The decision of how many children to have and when to have them is a private matter for the husband and wife". In Alexa's defense, there is no mention on there of teenaged girls using birth control as prevention from bleeding to death, though, so. Maybe she was right after all.]

And there it is. Two people. SO FAR.

Stuff

Ways I'm Saving Money Whilst Unemployed:

• By not going to any interviews, therefore saving in gas costs. 
• By making my own meals. I've only eaten out FOUR TIMES in the past seven weeks, and two of those were Taco Bell for under three dollars (it is very, very wrong that my first/only Mexican food since moving to Phoenix has been Taco Bell). One was Subway. The last was my first-ever Vietnamese food. I went with pho - a yummy noodle soup - and because I am equal parts savvy and adverse to mispronouncing words, I even looked up how to order it on my phone before heading inside. Turns out it's not "fo", it's "fuh", and it was really hard for me to point to the word "pho" and say, "fuh" (though, admittedly, pretty fun. FUH!)
• By doing laundry and running the dishwasher during non-peak hours. Maybe everyone else already knew this, but it blew my mind. You can save tons by not running those appliances between noon and 7 p.m. I also changed the settings on my dishwasher so that they air dry with no heat.
• By not really doing anything that costs money, ever. 

Ways I'm Not Saving Money Whilst Unemployed:

• By booking a spur-of-the-moment trip to Salt Lake for Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so excited. The whole family minus pregnant Corinne will be there and I cannot wait. (Have I mentioned on my blog that she's expecting again?? Because she is! A boy! Due early January!) Also, my BIRTHDAY IS ON THANKSGIVING THIS YEAR, which only happens every seven years, so it was sort of a no-brainer to do it up right. The last time it was on Thanksgiving was in our first year of marriage and we were living in Canada, where Thanksgiving is celebrated in October, so. It was sort of a disappointing day, not gonna lie.

What I've Been Up To Whilst Unemployed:

• Still making stuff in Photoshop, and I cannot think of a better time to catch my blog up on my recent creations.

First, a couple of ones in neons. I started obsessing over the color combo last week, after I made this for my Sunday School class:

So I promptly made neon ombre popsicles:

And reused it when yesterday, Jon's sister Kelsey asked me to make her a "bright, festive" blog header:

Last week, I was in full-on animal mode when I cranked out this chick:

this kiwi:

this capybara (and friend):

and this okapi, which is sort of my pride and joy:

Then, last night, I had a vision for a Christmas-themed creation, so I broke my rule of NO CHRISTMAS BEFORE THANKSGIVING to make it:

...but I haven't even so much as glanced at my Christmas music playlist in iTunes, nor will I until my second-favorite holiday is over. STOP STOMPING ON THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!

kthxbai

Has this ever happened to anyone else? No? Just me?

Last night, I ripped off a bandaid and it TOOK MY SKIN WITH IT.  Just like the time my gay friend in high school, Paul, waxed his eyebrows whilst on Accutane. Luckily, the bandaid was on the back of my arm, so the risk of me sporting a unibrow scab like his for the next three weeks is greatly reduced. But still! This goes against everything I know! Bandaids are not dangerous! And I honestly don't know how it happened. My arm was definitely clean and dry when I placed the bandage, as per the instructions on the box, and it's not like I wore it for three months. They were Equate brand, so I suppose that's what I get for shopping at Walmart. NO ONE BUY EQUATE BANDAIDS.

Go no further if the thought of a photo of skin clinging to a bandaid makes you want to die.

The night of the incident.

The morning after.

The next day.

Consider yourselves warned.

Handiwork

Time for another round!

Just playing around with my buggy design. Everything's better with a French translation.

Sailboat! A little bit proud of this one.

Pinwheel! Took forever.

Sorry for the duplicate background. Grey stripes go with everything.

Snail!

I made that background myself! Well, I made all these backgrounds myself, but this one was the trickiest.

And last but best, my crowning achievement. I didn't think it could be done. I was defeated so many times, but my sister rallied me. Thank you, Annie, for not letting me give up on myself.

Before I reveal it, I'd just like to repeat that I am NOT pregnant. This is in no way an announcement.




Okay.










Here we go.

Guess I'll update my blog...

Just because I haven't been posting doesn't mean I've been neglecting. Please admire my new blog design, and by "blog design" I mean header. I also changed the color of my links as well. And drew a turkey!!!!!! Definitely worth checking out, for those of you who never stray outside of Google Reader.

I've clearly had a lot of time on my hands. Really the only thing breaking up the monotony are job interviews and trips to the dog park. And the occasional toe cramp.




Since several of the jobs I've interviewed for have a creative element to them, I decided a while ago to up my Photoshop skills. I've always made my own headers and buttons and stuff (not like they're anything fancy) and I had enough of a grasp of how the program works to mention 'basic Photoshop' on my resume. I figured that it couldn't hurt to put all this extra time towards improving a marketable skill. Right? Right??

And with that I bring you some of my recent creations. These are all original designs.  Please hold your applause until the very end.

This is my first attempt at a turkey. You'll notice that I gave up partway through and drew it by hand instead. (They get better, I promise.)

This little ghost was on my sidebar for the couple of weeks leading up to Halloween, but I can't imagine why that should prevent me from posting it again.

An idea that began on a birthday card to my sister Annie six years ago is now perfected.

This one I created for my Sunday School class. MY SUNDAY SCHOOL CLASS!! I haven't mentioned on my blog yet that I got called to teach 14-15 year old SUNDAY SCHOOL! This is what I  get for not going to seminary and for brooding through church classes when I was a teenager. (So far I've only taught one class and it went really really well, not like you asked.) Depending on whether or not it costs more than fifty cents to print this on cardstock, I'll either hand these out to the class next week or put it on the Sunday School blog that I created that I'm not sure yet is allowed. 

One of my favorite scripture references. I had my Sunday School class in mind again when I made this one.

Okay. And I saved my two favorites for last. I couldn't decide which I love more, so I put them in order of how long they took to make.

This first one I originally made in lavenders and greys for my future nursery, but when I showed it to Corinne she requested I make another to match her nursery, and I ended up loving it even more than the first. The reference is a lullaby my mom used to sing to us that I'll be singing to my own kids some day.

Aaaaaaand the most time-consuming of all. It must have taken me three (or four...) hours, but I love love LOVE it.

Yes, I'm going to make you scroll [EDITED TO ADD] and NO, I'm not pregnant. 

If you want any of the printables, let me know and I'll email you the file. Clearly I have the time.