Blast from the Past

I can't try to pretend that I came up with this post idea all on my own. I was inspired by thepioneerwoman's truly awesome, incredibly 80s flashback to a high school dance. But she ripped off my post about times I've fallen, so I'm kind of doing the same thing. Okay, she doesn't even read my blog, it was just a weird coincidence, but still. Her picture reminded me of some great pictures of my own, so I dug them up for the benefit of your viewing pleasure.

This is me preparing to leave for my 9th grade semi-formal. I can't blame my hairdresser for the mulletty baby's breath explosion, because it was exactly what I had imagined and described to her in great detail. My hair is huge. My bangs are inexcusable. My braces are glistening. I'm wearing a boa for crying out loud. Look at that protruding clavicle, those knobbly knees, those calves, and those arms. Perhaps you might be able to make out the chunky black clogs (clogs!!) enhancing my already-enormous feet. I was gawky and awkward... and I didn't even know it. I thought I was beautiful, so I forced my mom to take an embarrassing amount of pictures of me before she drove me to the dance.

Flash forward two years. (the tenth grade Snowball was cancelled due to a freak ice storm). I'm now a junior wearing a strapless gown to prom. My mother took me shopping and I found that dress in Macys. It was $84, and my mom bought it for me under the strict guideline that as soon as we got home, she would craft some sleeve-like attachments to make the dress more modest. I agreed with her, but when we got home I refused to let her anywhere near my dress with any sort of black satin fabric in her hands. She should have strangled me to death, but she didn't. I was a total brat. But I paid dearly for it, because I counted no less than 8 other girls at prom with the EXACT same dress. So I learned my lesson, and look at me, I didn't turn out so bad for wearing a strapless gown to prom.

And there is a check for $84 headed my mom's way in the mail as we speak. Okay, that's not true, but if she wanted me to, I would write her one. Just let me know, mom.

Okay, end of dance pictures. So when I was digging for these, I came across another little gem. This photograph you are about to view is the result of much practice. I've been honing this skill for 20 years. My friend-who-later-became-my-sister-in-law, Lianna, took this picture of me when I was in 10th grade. When she showed this picture to her dad, she told him it was of some poor fool in the Single’s Ward, and he completely believed her. Didn’t even recognize that it was me. And he knew me well, too... I spent about four days a week at his house. Hilarious. Then when she gave it to me, she had covered the important part with a sticky note warning that I had to read first before peeling off and revealing the hideousness below. Here's the note (of course I kept it!).

Okay, so if you think you are prepared, you may scroll down to reveal the photo. Take a couple of breaths first. Clear your mind. Ready, go.























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