Accident Prone

We’ve been accident prone lately. Jon was in Boise the beginning of November and got smashed in an elevator, which sounds funnier than it actually was. He was holding the door for his sister in an old building downtown and the thing just closed on him. She jumped out of the way (thank goodness, since she’s pregnant) and he got pinned for a few moments until the door retracted. What the heck! He’s been experiencing some pains in his chest and back ever since, and he’s been in touch with a lawyer to make sure the building owner pays for all the medical bills. Plus at least 5 million in pain and suffering. No, just kidding. Kind of. Now he always takes the stairs, even if it’s 30 stories. Okay, nothing about that last sentence was true, but it makes me laugh to think about it. That, and Jon darting past the open doors of an elevator and then flattening himself against the farthest wall. It’s not funny. But it kind of is. And then about a week after his incident, I was in a car accident. Actually, the Defensive Driving instructor told us all to only use the word “collision”…I guess just to make a point of the seriousness. I had to go to this class to clear my ticket that I was given DESPITE the fact that I was hit by a car traveling in an illegal lane that was absolutely impossible to see. Apparently Arizona law says that if you are EVER turning left and are involved in a “collision”, no matter that the circumstances, you are at least partially at fault. That includes turning left on a green arrow. If a car runs the red light and hits you…you will be cited. What! Oh well, we’re still waiting to hear back from the insurance to see who’s responsible for what. Anyway, the driving course I went to was at least 60% 70 years or older. So many old people that had no business being in a car to begin with. This one guy kept raising his hand to make comments, and he was literally yelling his answers. It was so awkward. And to make matters even more painful, he was sitting right behind me. I swear my ears leaked blood. And this little old lady was telling a story about how important it is to wear seatbelts. Her story begins like this. “My husband is an invalid.” What! Who says that?! Why not “my husband needs assistance” or “my husband is paralyzed”? Anyway her story has to do with her putting him in the car but forgetting to buckle his seatbelt. So she looks over after turning the corner out of her house and he’s all slumped over in the seat. So she went to sit him back up and buckle him in (while still driving, mind you) and she went off the road. Hm. Another great moment of the day was when the instructor said that someone must have been “twisting” his “gourd”. I think he was going for “cord” but he said “gourd” and I almost laughed out loud. The only thing I could think of at that point was my sister Annie. Gourd is her favorite word. I once met a guy named Gourd (it was probably “Gord” short for “Gordon”)…and it was the best day of Annie’s life when I told her about it. Anyway, another long tangent, and now it’s time to go.